IT is mission impossible.
There were just 72 hours to save the United Kingdom, declared Mr John Major as he addressed the Tory faithful on his soap box in the shadow of Big Ben. But, as the clock struck six, the real message was clear: his government had only 72 hours left before it selfdestructed.
This was his farewell tour of the country: Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and London. A 1,000 mile round trip in a day, designed to reflect the importance of the Union. Instead, supporters and journalists alike knew this was his way of saying "goodbye and thank you for the memories".
At Westminster, a drained and dejected looking Brian Mawhinney tried to muster enough enthusiasm to rally the workers at Conservative Central Office, urging them to listen attentively to their leader's final message and to ignore the opinion poll predictions of a Labour landslide. "We've got a big and enthusiastic crowd. This is a dramatic way to demonstrate our commitment to the Union", he explained.
As the Tory faithful attempted to resemble ordinary members of the public by removing their security passes to wave placards depicting a smiling John Major, a busload of Japanese tourists studied this stage managed spectacle in obvious amazement.
Sitting in a semicircle around the infamous soap box, the couple of hundred Tory workers waited. A selection of Central Office lovelies were strategically placed to greet Mr Major, their moment of history eagerly captured on film by the admiring photographers.
At the stroke of 6 p.m., just in time for the news, Mr Major launched his mission: "There are 72 hours in which to save the Union, 72 hours to make sure that the system of government that has prevailed in this country for a very long time is protected and enshrined ... not broken up and divided in one direction towards the EU and the other to a devolved parliament across the United Kingdom."
Unfortunately for Mr Major, many of his supporters appeared more interested in appearing on television than responding to his mission. As he continued to address the media, warning of the dangers of a "Dutch auction of British interests" at the EU summit in June, a couple of men jostled each other in an attempt to get into the BBC camera's frame.
To loud cheers, Mr Major once again adopted a Eurosceptic tone. "We will draw that line in the sand. We will not surrender those vetoes to the European Union. We will not surrender the employment chapter to the EU. We will not sign the social chapter or allow European social policies to come here and destroy our jobs as well. These are fundamental choices for the British nation. They will make them in 72 hours' time", he said.
And with that he was driven back to Downing Street, no doubt to begin the packing.