CHELTENHAM FESTIVAL:AND THEY'RE off . . . except they weren't. The only horse moving at Cheltenham yesterday was a large mechanical one at the racecourse's Hall of Fame, writes Alison Healy.
Bored racegoers were taking their turn to get on the horse and make like Ruby Walsh heading for the final fence on Gold Cup day.
The first most Irish racegoers knew about yesterday's meeting being cancelled was when they arrived at breakfast and saw signs around their hotels declaring "The racecourse has been closed due to the weather".
"It wouldn't happen in Galway," said Gareth McGrath, a Galwegian of course. "They should have a permanent structure here instead of those tents." But it wasn't spoiling his day. He was busy planning a busman's holiday with his three friends. "We are going up to The Hollow Bottom for lunch," he said. "That's the trainer Nigel Twiston-Davies' local pub. Then we are going to Jackdaws Castle, Jonjo O'Neill's training yard."
Chris Conway from Naas was also planning an outing. "We are actually going for a spin in the Cotswolds," he said. "We're not too upset. It might save us a bit of money. I had no winners yesterday." But other punters had less genteel plans and by lunchtime a queue had formed at a Ladbrokes' shop in Winchcombe Street.
"They will bet on anything that moves today," noted Tom Duffy from Maynooth. "They have nothing else to do." He was with a group of friends but was keen to point out that they didn't "drink, smoke or chase stray dogs". Instead the group were going off "to buy something nice for the women".
Irish haunts such as O'Neills, The Irish Oak and The Queens were all doing a roaring trade yesterday. Pool players in The Irish Oak were putting £50 each on the table while a group from Dublin were playing poker and looking forward to a sing-song.
The Goat syndicate found that they were slightly premature in planning their sing-song and booking a band for this evening at the Goat pub in Goatstown. Some 27 supporters travelled from Dublin at 6.30am yesterday to see Forpadydeplasterer run in the first race of the day. "Win, lose or draw, we were planning to have great craic," said syndicate member Richard Coffey. He explained that there were 10 shares in the cheekily-named horse, but one share belonged to "the piano gang" of 10 people.
Leader of the pack, publican Charlie Chawke, was keeping a fatherly eye on his syndicate members, all decked out with Sunderland scarves. He agreed that the horse's name was a bit bold, given the Taoiseach's travails with the tribunal, but said "it's a bit of fun".
"Bertie thinks it's a good name so long as he has money on him when he wins," he added.
But don't be fooled into thinking that the syndicate are all equine experts. "I wouldn't know a horse's head from his tail," said Coffey. "But it's great craic. I have only one share but my kids think they own him. When I go home to Bantry, people don't ask how am I. It's all 'how's Paddy?'."
And what were they planning to do for the day, now that the race was postponed? Charlie Chawke was planning his own busman's holiday. "We'll get drunk, in the true Irish fashion," he said cheerfully.