NO MATTER what happens, at least the headline writers will be happy, writes Miriam Lord.
Ciarán Cannon (light artillery) is the new leader of the Progressive Democrats.
Boom, Boom! Sorry.
No, really. Cannon was rolled out yesterday morning at a chaotic press conference in Dublin when, to use a phrase currently in vogue at this type of event, he was "unveiled" in front of the media and a roomful of excited supporters.
In Ciarán's case, PD also stands for prospective deputy, although as one of the Taoiseach's nominees to the Seanad, he makes up one leg of that endangered quartet known as the Progressive Democrat Parliamentary Party.
The other three are Minister for Health Mary Harney, who was visibly relieved to be handing over the leadership for the second, and final time; Galway TD Noel Grealish, who spends his time denying he is about to defect to Fianna Fáil, and Senator Fiona O'Malley, who was narrowly beaten to the top job by her upper chamber colleague.
They were all on hand to offer him their support, fitting snugly behind a small table tucked into the corner of the compact Georgian Room in Buswell's Hotel.
There was an early hint of promise: a banner outside the door proclaimed "Dirt is Good!" That's the spirit. Has young Cannon been taking political advice from Michael McDowell? Sadly, the slogan related to a presentation in an adjoining room on Persil washing power.
PD supporters, including a busload from Athenry, packed the place for Ciarán's first outing. Unfortunately, many members of the media couldn't get into the press conference as a result. In the end, this didn't matter, because photographers and camera crews spent the duration clambering up on chairs and falling over each other at the top of the room, so nobody got to see much anyway.
Cannon got to work, declaring he is the man to rebuild the party and begin the comeback.
He intends to "do an Enda" and electrify the grassroots. However, when Enda Kenny took over the reins of a decimated Fine Gael in the wake of their disastrous performance in the 2002 election, he had something to work with.
Cannon is not so fortunate.
He signalled he "will walk the highways and byways" with party members.
Starting on Monday, he will undertake a tour of "all our strongholds". Shouldn't take too long.
Still, this political ingénue from east Galway - he only joined the party in 2003 and became a county councillor in 2004 - radiated optimism and enthusiasm on his first big test. His wife Niamh, son Evan (10) and mother Marie cheered him on.
He began with a quote from Des O'Malley, always guaranteed to galvanise the troops prior to electrification. Fiona O'Malley, who was most gracious in defeat, looked a little teary when she heard her father's words.
His audience chimed in with supportive cries of "hear, hear" as Ciarán spoke. Tax policy was to the fore, along with reform of the public service. The PDs love that kind of sexy talk.
Questions were invited from the floor. It has to be said, the journalists sounded a little sceptical. Could this new Senator, relatively unknown outside his Galway bailiwick, really revive a party with just two TDs and two Senators and opinion poll ratings on the edge of oblivion? He gave a hostage to fortune at the outset. If the Progressive Democrats fail to perform next year at the local elections, it might be time to call it a day.
Commendable honesty, said supporters afterwards. Loose Cannon, murmured others.
Good news on the Grealish front, though. The new PD leader said his mentor from neighbouring Galway West has assured him of his total and utter commitment to the party. Defection to Fianna Fáil is not an issue. Deputy Noel Grealish smiled sheepishly.
Cannon said he would be asking Michael McDowell to assist in the formulation of policy, which considerably cheered the legal rump loitering at the back.
He discounted suggestions he was warned off commenting on Bertie Ahern's tribunal troubles, only to be trumped by Fiona O'Malley when she called for a statement.
"I was in Lourdes at the time," he said.
Cannon is chief executive of the Irish Pilgrimage Trust. Lourdes might be as good a place as any to look for a cure for his ailing party.
Attention turned to Mary Harney, and problems in the health services. This was not the mood the PDs wanted on the day they unveiled their new leader.
In the top corner, an adviser looked down the room as Ms Harney replied.
She mouthed words to handlers at the far end: "Clap after this!" Which they did, with such vigour that even Mary looked taken aback. But it did the job, and the press conference was brought to a close.
Back in Leinster House, naysayers from the Fianna Fáil mother ship were cracking jokes about Cannon fodder, and the imminent return of the PD prodigals.
The courageous Senator deserves all the best in the mammoth task that lies ahead - if only to prove them wrong.