THE Progressive Democrats annual party conference is a reflection of how they would have society ordered - civilised, prosperous but a bit dull.
If chicanery and backroom plotting are your taste in politics, the PDs' yearly bash does not provide the ingredients. Unlike other parties, there is no rump whingeing secretly about the leadership - Mary Harney is much adored; there are no splits or schisms over policy.
The backdrop to their 1996 "New Deal" conference - the last before the general election - was Bunratty, Co Clare. Down the road stands the great medieval castle which hosts banquets - roast meat and mend for famished Americans, and alongside is the Folk Park with dinky little homes of yesteryear.
It was an oddly serene selling for a conference that dealt so heavily with crime, where zero tolerance was advocated for drugs and where the party's North Tipperary candidate, Dr Joe Henness, Was heard to tell Clare FM that, rather than have the Garda armed, "a fist is a much cleaner and respectable thing than a gun".
Speaking of low blows, Des O'Malley could not resist having a jibe at his old adversary, Albert Reynolds, and he had them rolling in the aisles when he recounted an episode with Pat Rabbitte after one of two RTE interviews they did together during the week.
Deputies O'Malley and Rabbitte were arguing about the Special Criminal Court fiasco, with the Democratic Left Minister of State in the role of defending the Government. Mr O'Malley remarked on the irony that here was he, the man who had established the Special Criminal Court, arguing the toss with a person from a party that was "a direct linear descendant of Sinn Fein".
After the interview, Mr O'Malley told Mr Rabbitte, "You did not take the shilling, you took the half crown." To which Mr Rabbitte replied, "I'm not telling you what I took, but I'm damn sure I took more than a penny!"
The Sunday World crime correspondent, Paul Williams, was guest speaker on the crime debate and he had them riveted to their seats with grim accounts of the antics of the M50 Gang who steal powerful cars, ram the cops and take Friday nights off to swagger in the night club as local heroes.
He told his audience that they, "as part of the establishment", had ignored the drugs/crime problem for years. Now, it was ironic that pushers fled into middle class suburbia "where it is safe to get a fix", away from the wrath of the anti drugs campaigners.
"Your kids in Dublin will start finding syringes in the school yard. What will you do then? ... Tough talks at political rallies is not necessarily going to change anything... Give them an education and an identity," Mr Williams advised.
They took it on the chin; applause for his contribution was long and loud.
In Clare, the Progressive Democrats intend to unseat the Labour incumbent, Dr Moosajee Bhamjee, and replace him with their own Mary Mannion, a teacher.
Setting the tone for a conference that excoriated the Government throughout, Mary Harney elicited hoots of laughter when she acidly remarked that if it is human to err, Nora Owen "must be super human".
"If they looked after the country for even five days, I would give them Sunday off." (Government leaders were meeting on Sunday to discuss the Estimates.)
The Progressive Democrats are offering a new deal on everything - crime, the economy, the North, education, health ... They solidly believe that they are serving their last months in opposition and, judging from the adulation poured on their leader's head after her Saturday night address, they also understand that Ms Harney will soon be in her rightful place - Tanaiste and Minister for What She Wants.