Tomorrow is International Women’s Day. For the men, here are those things you always wanted to know about being a woman – but never dared ask
What is it with women and shoes?
Women, if you believe everything you read, think of little else but shoes. Angela Merkel – shoes. Hilary Clinton – shoes. Mary Robinson – shoes. God help the European economy, US foreign policy and global development. We can only marvel they ever get a look in.
The statuesque Olympic gold medal-winning swimmer Rebecca Adlington felt moved to push aside any issues that being the fastest woman over 800 metres in the water – ever– might raise about her femininity by getting giggly over a pair of Jimmy Choos promised to her by the mayor of Mansfield.
In 1912, China banned the disabling and torturous practice of footbinding. Small feet had been a prized sign of femininity for centuries – my, how China’s women had suffered for their gender. It’s 2009, but the west seems hell bent on continuing the ridiculous practice of encouraging half its population to prop themselves up on disabling footwear.
For the record, guys are not generally interested in feet. A male colleague tells me he has never heard a single man uttering the immortal words: “God, her shoes look great.” Feet really are a niche interest.
Remember, shoes can do a lot of damage. Ask George W Bush.
Why don’t women get the off-side rule?
It depends who you ask, lads, it really does. I’m guessing Ireland’s world champion boxer and international soccer star, Katie Taylor, has a fair grasp of the rules of the beautiful game. I wouldn’t be arguing with her about it anyway if I was you.
I’m postulating that Arsenal and Republic of Ireland goalkeeper Emma Byrne might pop the hand straight up if she spotted a goal-threatening transgression by the opposition. RTÉ sports reporter Clare McNamara and our own soccer supremo Mary Hannigan have me convinced that in between dreaming of fluffy kittens and lipstick they spend the odd moment toying with the issues of Chelsea’s lack of width or Man Utd’s stubborn insistence on giving John O’Shea a game when he doesn’t look that bothered.
It’s not rocket science guys. After all, it’s a game that Frank Lampard and Rio Ferdinand have mastered. I rest my case.
Did working women cause the credit crunch?
This question from Newton Emerson of The Irish Times.
Fair dues. None of us want to be in the embarrassing position of keeping a man out of a job when we might spend our time more usefully in the home doing needlepoint or watching Loose Women.
It’s a novel idea. If only they’d thought of it before. Oops, they did – it was called the Marriage Bar. In the 1930s, the Republic, like many European countries, considered it a no-brainer that as a response to high unemployment a women should quit her job when she got married. Unlike in other places, where the marriage bar waned in the 1950s as growing economies needed an increased labour supply, here it persisted until the 1970s. The bar was abolished in the public sector in 1973, but has left a sour legacy: many women affected by the bar find themselves at an increased risk of poverty today – remember no job, no pension credits.
So it would appear we ladies have already made an economic sacrifice for the greater good. Your turn boys. Who was running the banks anyway?
Should you hold the door open for a woman?
You should hold the door open for anyone behind you. And seeing that women earn 17.1 per cent less than you, make up only 13 per cent of Dáil Éireann and at this rate will have to wait 370 years to get equal representation in running this country, I think they qualify as being behind you. We’ll take the door-holding as an admission of guilt. Thanks.
You’re on the Stillorgan dual carriageway. There’s someone observing the speed limit in the outside lane. You’re forced to illegally undertake. Women drivers, eh?
Apparently, despite what many of you allege, a woman’s hormones actually provide a steadying influence behind the wheel of a car.
Scientists at Bradford University reported recently that tasks requiring mental flexibility favour women over men. A woman’s oestrogen levels, they said, prime the part of the brain involved in augmenting attention span and the ability to learn rules. Think that covers driving, so.
But never mind independent scientific study. A quote from one of our own leading motor insurers reads: “We acknowledge that women are statistically safer drivers, and that claims made by female drivers are generally lower in value”.
Now hand over the keys.
Is a woman’s place in the kitchen?
Last week, the BBC's popular Masterchefprogramme reached its thrilling climax. Did a woman win? Of course not. Could a woman have won? Once again, of course not, because the two blokes judging the baking show-down didn't find a woman among the 96 entrants who was good enough to go head to head with the lads over a bit of pan-fried skate.
Maybe if the famous ingredients test had run as follows: “You have 40 minutes to make a dish from the following ingredients: fish fingers, beans, instant noodles and a jar of Uncle Ben’s sweet and sour sauce.”
Have a crack at that Gordon Ramsay.
Why don’t women put the bins out?
Ooops. Sorry, just thinking about shoes. They won’t put themselves out, though, love, will they?
Do we really need an International Women’s Day?
In Italy men give yellow mimosas to women on International Women’s Day. Yellow mimosas and chocolate are given as presents in Russia on March 8th. Here in Ireland we’ll settle for equal pay.
By the way, if you’re feeling a little jealous or left out there is an International Men’s Day. It’s on November 19th. So if there isn’t a match on you know what you can do . . .
For more on international women’s day go to the website internationalwomensday.com
