MIRIAM LORD'S WEEK:Harp attack; Dáil sing-song; Noel Dempsey late for his own launch; near miss for the Government; a new outlet for Celia; Albert Reynolds and John Major reunited
New Oireachtas logo a no-no as TDs harp on about waste of money
The curse of corporate mumbo-jumbo has landed at Leinster House, but angry politicians, marshalled by their furious party whips, have united to repel the attack.
They say a new logo for the Houses of the Oireachtas, designed at a breathtaking cost of €63,000, was foisted upon them without consultation. And they're having none of it.
The blame for the debacle would seem to lie with the Houses of the Oireachtas Commission, which has members from all parties, but one deputy remarked yesterday: "They're lying low."
Government Chief Whip Tom Kitt is seething over the introduction of the logo, which is a washed-out version of the existing gold harp. The only way it differs from the original logo is by the addition of a few green circles.
"They went off on a quest to adopt 'a new corporate brand' as part of a wider 'communications strategy'," says Kitt. The result, in his view, "diminishes the dignity of the original harp logo. It looks like something you'd see on the top of a restaurant menu. It's just not right. I will definitely be recommending to my parliamentary party that we reject it."
Here's Labour whip, Emmet Stagg: "The whole thing is nonsense, rubbish, a load of codswallop and a woeful waste of taxpayers' money." He says he brought up the matter of the logo with his party colleagues and they prefer the classier original. "We won't be using the new logo." He pointed out that the Oireachtas went to the trouble of purchasing a special machine for embossing the gold harp onto stationary. "That wouldn't have come cheap." Fine Gael whip, Paul Kehoe, is adamant his party won't be touching the new logo either. He sees it as a disgraceful use of funds which could be used to better purpose.
This will disappoint the authors of a 39-page booklet - which also has the politicians spitting fire - about "a corporate identity system" for the the Oireachtas. "We have developed this unique harp symbol which will become associated with the Houses of the Oireachtas," it trumpets. "Our new identity system will deliver on the relevant objectives in our Corporate Business Plan."
Wha'? Unique? "Our corporate identity is an indispensable investment in our future and like any investment it requires careful management to protect it and to allow it to grow in valueOur new identity system expresses a suitably confident and engaging appearance for the Houses of the Oireachtas."
By the way, the harp has been "specially drawn" in gold ink "which best represents the stature and position of the legislature". Furthermore, the green circles are in "a lighter, fresher colour which adds a modern quality to our new modern identity". Here's the best bit: "We can claim ownership of this harp."
They say there's one born every minute, and at the moment, they're all members of the Houses of the Oireachtas Commission. That's €63,000 down the drain. The logo is toast.
Dmitry Dempsey is the spit of Russian leader
At the launch of the Transport 21 annual report on Wednesday, Minister Noel Dempsey was unconcerned that its five key projects will not be finished on time. He declared the completion dates announced in 2005, had, in fact, been "indicative dates".
Not that his shivering audience in Government Buildings was surprised. Dempsey, in fine public transport fashion, was half an hour late for his own launch, leaving everyone freezing outside by the fountain.
Speaking of Noel, there was a timely observation from Jimmy Walsh of Raheny in that morning's Letters to the Editor. He noted: "If Taoiseach Bertie Ahern has aspirations for the presidency of the EU, photographic evidence would indicate that he has already been upstaged by his Minister for Transport, Noel Dempsey, who has just emerged as President of Russia."
There's been a lot of comment around Leinster House about Meathman Dempsey being the "spit" of President Medvedev. Is there a thirteenth sibling to add to the roll-call of the Brothers Trim? Dmitry Dempsey, anyone? See above and judge for yourself.
Hymn of praise to Oireachtas librarian
Like fighting, singing is frowned upon in the Dáil bar.
However, a rare exception was allowed on Thursday, when the Oireachtas choir serenaded library assistant John Kelly on his retirement after 26 years' service. John, an excellent light baritone, was a choir stalwart.
His colleagues, who are in training for a number of international festivals, entertained the bar with renditions of Anything Goes and When I'm Sixty-four. Librarian Maura Corcoran made a presentation to John, the bar was jammed with Leinster House staff, and mercifully, it was a relatively politician-free zone as they had all gone off for the weekend.
Offer of photoshoot snapped up
They didn't have to advertise. Just a little sign, pointing to a door on a ground floor corridor. "This way to RTÉ photoshoot." Photoshoot? Telly? Politicians? It's a wonder the photographer didn't have to beat them off with a stick.
The national broadcaster needed to get new snaps of the latest recruits to the Dáil and Seanad, so a crack team descended on Leinster House for three days. All the politicians, without exception, were subjected to full make-up before they were photographed. In their quest to build a good archival record of the current intake, the RTÉ team managed to process 214 out of 226 TDs and Senators in double-quick time.
The Taoiseach, not a man to ignore the cameras, couldn't find the time to pop in, so they will return to photograph him, when they also hope to round up the missing Leinster House 11 who managed to elude the lens.
For want of six TDs, an election coup was lost
If it loses a vote on any finance measure, the Government automatically falls.
On Thursday at lunchtime, that situation came perilously close for Bertie Ahern's administration, when the Finance Bill was passed by the narrow margin of five votes.
Just how close it was could be seen on the faces of the respective party whips as deputies voted. While the Government scraped though, six opposition deputies were absent. More importantly, they were not "paired" with government counterparts for the vote and would have been expected in the chamber.
Had the six been present - two from Fine Gael, two from Labour, one Sinn Féin and one Independent - the Government would have lost by a single vote and we would now be in general election territory again.
The noise of knuckles being rapped could be heard across Leinster House.
Tribunal training course - a career move for Celia
Roll up! Roll up! Get your tribunal training! A course is now on offer in Belfast, offering training for tribunal appearances. "Providing Evidence to Public Inquiries" takes place on April 14th under the auspices of the Chartered Institute of Environmental Health. It includes comprehensive advice on drafting and presenting written evidence, preparing and giving oral evidence, and cross-examination.
How come nobody saw this gap in the market down here? What an ideal opportunity for Celia Larkin. She'd be fabulous at it. It would fit in nicely with her personal branding and image development courses, not to mention her course for personal shoppers.
Celia's probably already helped some people with their tribunal preparations, so why not charge? Bertie's just had a pay rise.
Major finds lodgings under Albert's roof
Former British prime minister Sir John Major was in Dublin on Tuesday for a speaking engagement and he took the opportunity to call on his old friend, Albert Reynolds. He also bumped into Martin Mansergh on his travels. Sir John, who always stays in the Four Seasons Hotel on his frequent trips to the city, didn't have too far to go to meet Albert. The former taoiseach moved into his palatial new apartment in the Four Seasons complex last November, so his guest had only to take the lift for a chat.
"John always gives me a shout when he's in town. We've remained friends down through the years," Albert told us, as he geared up for his annual pilgrimage to Cheltenham.
"I'll be going over for the full week. Oh, the full week. Never miss it." A creature of habit, he's staying as usual at the Lygon Arms Hotel. As for the horses, he remains cagey as ever. "No tips yet. The only tip worth hearing is half an hour before the race." Here's a thought: the Dáil is sitting next week. What deputies will have the nerve to bunk off to Cheltenham? What important trade delegations will need to be accompanied to the Cotswolds? Who will dry the Ceann Comhairle's tears if he has to stay at home?
Ex-enemies at Europa go all ecumenical for Ervine
Lots of fun in Belfast on Wednesday at the first gala fundraiser for the cross-community David Ervine Foundation. Not so many years ago, some of those exchanging pleasantries in the Europa Hotel would have been eyeing each other with murderous intent, or planning to blow it up. But not any more.
Among the guests were Alex Maskey and Tom Hartley of Sinn Féin, lots of UVF members who didn't wear nametags, PUP leader Dawn Purvis, David Ervine's widow Jeanette, PSNI chief constable Sir Hugh Orde and his possible successor Peter Sheridan.
UUP Minister Michael McGimpsey, Alex Attwood of the SDLP and Prof Monica McWilliams, former leader of the Women's Coalition, were there, while Rev Harold Good, who oversaw the decommissioning of IRA weapons, led an ecumenical charge of clerics. Also enjoying the festivities were the joint heads of the once-hated British-Irish Secretariat, our man Gary Ansbro and Chris Macabe, who will be stepping down soon.
Thousands of pounds were raised at the charity auction, with Brendan Mackin of the John Hewitt bar in Donegall Street paying £6,500 for The Pipes of Peace, a framed exhibit of three pipes belonging to Gerry Adams, Ervine and his mentor Gusty Spence.
Star turn was comedian Sean Crummey with his yarn about Pope John Paul's visit to the Wailing Wall. One onlooker can't work out what he's doing, so he asks a rabbi. "He's praying for peace between Jew and Arab." "And who is he talking to?" the man asks. "He is talking to God," replies the rabbi.
The man is doubtful so asks a South African Methodist minister. "The Pope is praying for peace between the blacks and the whites." "And who is he talking to?"
"He is talking to God." Still unconvinced, the onlooker asks an Irish priest. "He's praying for peace between the Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland," says An tAthair. "And who is he talking to?" "He's talking to the wall."
Crummey brought the house down with this one: "As Oscar Wilde might say: to lose one Ian Paisley may be regarded as a misfortune; but to lose both looks like carelessness."