Grace under pressure award
While most of his senior colleagues developed an aversion to accounting for themselves on the public airwaves, Minister of State Martin Mansergh selflessly fronted up on programmes all year as the token Government punchbag.
The deputy for Tipperary South has a tendency to become increasingly high-pitched and breathless in the heat of argument – an oddly entertaining process encouraged by gleeful interviewers who do their best to goad him.
However, on Monday evening of this week, he experienced pressure of a different kind. The deputy was verbally abused and physically threatened by an irate commuter when travelling on a crowded rush-hour Dart. Unlike his TV and radio persona, the Minister remained composed throughout.
According to an Irish Times reader who witnessed the incident, a man in his fifties sitting next to Mansergh suddenly realised who he was and began shouting at him, demanding to know about his expenses and making references to his appearances on Vincent Browne’s Tonight show.
“Mr Mansergh stood up, only to be followed by this man who continued to shout obscenities at him. He called him ‘a disgrace’ and at one stage it looked as though the man might physically strike the politician. It was at this point that members of the public intervened and asked the man to leave the train. A large group of commuters gathered at the door and told him his behaviour was unacceptable. The man got off at the next stop,” recalls the commuter.
A calm Mr Mansergh then returned to his seat where he continued to read his paper. When asked by other commuters if he was okay, he replied: “I’m fine, there is nothing one can do in those situations other than let the public have their say”.
Gold-plated brass neck award
This is a group category and it goes to those cushioned, Namafied builders currently existing in luxuriously reduced circumstances.
Following Monday’s Primetime programme on how some of our straitened developers appear to be enjoying the high life with their big cars, big spending and helicopters, we hear Nama moved quickly to reassure a fuming public that they are taking a tough line with these people.
Here’s what happened when the builders were called in for a crunch meeting on Tuesday morning.
Nama boss: “Thanks for coming in on time, we know travelling and getting around is very difficult in this weather. The roads are in an awful state, everyone is having problems, so fair play lads.”
Builders: “It was no bother. We just flew in.”
Headline of the year
We aren’t quite sure why this announcement from our IMF overlords was buried in the soccer section of last Saturday’s sports supplement. So, just in case you missed it: “Ireland to be sold in January”.
The Maltese Cross
Goes to Minister for Transport Noel Dempsey for his handling of the January snow crisis from his holiday hotel in Malta.
Almost a year later, he got another type of cross after being sent out to deny Ireland was getting a bailout from the EU-IMF just days before it became a reality.
Still. Every cloud has a silver pension lining. After over a decade of ministerial toil, Dempsey will be walking (no Garda driver anymore) into the political sunset with a handsome compensation and retirement package to ease him back to a life among the ordinary people.
The Bertie Ahern perpetual award for services to the English language
Brian Cowen wins by a unit of linear measure equal to 5,280ft or 1,609.344m.
Biffo bamboozled at every turn this year, frustrating a public looking for some straight-talking with his activation measures, progressity and automaticity, internalising, conflating and subvening, GNPs and GDPs. On the rare occasions he cast off the cloak of Civil Service jargon it was in response to attacks on his party, leadership or personal integrity.
Therefore, next year’s general election should create the perfect micro-environment for some plain talk from an energised Cowen. After what worried voters have had to endure in terms of motivational speaking from their downbeat Taoiseach during difficult months, any such revival will only add insult to injury.
Best performance in a cupboard
Former taoiseach Bertie Ahern.
What was he thinking? “Never tawd I’d end up here. But I’ve dah laydest on today’s big match,” drawls Bertie, having landed himself a sit-down part in an advert for the News of the World. Horrified viewers heard him plug his sports column from inside a kitchen press, surrounded by biscuits and vegetables.
A definite lowpoint. Can we not pay this man more? Why oh why did we cut this statesman’s emoluments? He’ll have to retire now to make ends meet.
It’s not right.
Death by Tweet award
It goes to Dan Boyle, who went on Twitter to express his disquiet after the Government, thanks to some very reluctant Greens, voted confidence in then minister for defence Willie O’Dea in the wake of the Limerick sworn affidavit controversy.
Willie was gone the next day.
How to win friends and influence people
Get all the senior Ministers together to hold an emergency Cabinet meeting and reassure the anxious little people that their political betters are doing everything in their power to tackle the economic crisis.
And on a bank holiday, at that.
Choose a stately home as the venue and let the people sit back in admiration as their magnificent Ministers sweep through the gates, one by one, in their State cars driven by Garda drivers.
Enda Kenny led the charge: “They looked like members of the Anglo-Irish ascendancy returning to the big house,” he told the Dáil. Some of them even rolled down their windows and waved.
Shooting star award
George Lee, The People’s Princess, whose shock resignation from the Dáil triggered an unprecedented period of mourning among grateful journalists delighted to fill space in a lean post-Christmas landscape.
The news flashed around Dublin South. Poor George, used and abused by Fine Gael. Apparently, little Richard Bruton was particularly horrid to him, not letting him play with the big boys like Leo and everything.
It was even rumoured that Elton John penned a poignant tribute to Fine Gael’s celebrity candle in the wind.
“Gone back to Montrose/ Oh, we hardly knew you at all, When you upped and went back there/ While those around you bawled.
“Fine Gael crawled out of the woodwork/ And they whispered into your brain/ They set you on a publicity treadmill/ And they made your change your name (to George Lee, FG TD, huge majoritee . . .). Sniff.
Senator of the year
Ivor Callely. Hooray to Ivor the Driver for adding to the gaiety of the nation while keeping the spotlight on the subject of TDs’ and Senators’ expenses. He led the way in the art of living in two homes while primarily claiming travel expenses from the most far-flung residence. He set an example to others by providing some badly needed employment for members of the legal profession and was a font of wise and comforting sayings at a time when the nation badly needed a leader. He also highlighted the importance of keeping Seanad Éireann going for former TDs given the bum’s rush by their electorate.
All in all, an inspirational figure.
Here are some examples of Ivor’s wisdom: “The early bird, they always say, gets the name for rising early”. “Yesterday’s history, tomorrow’s a mystery.” “I think, in fairness to me, I’ve put forward a fair and rational explanation.” “It’s not easy to kiss and make up.” “I have fulfilled my duties to Seanad Éireann from all three locations.” And the man is being pilloried?
Out of touch Taoiseach award
Brian Cowen, for tying himself in knots over ministerial pensions.
The issue was brought to the fore following Máire Geoghegan-Quinn’s appointment as EU commissioner and it emerged she would continue to draw her substantial ministerial pension while in her new highly paid job. Focus then turned on sitting deputies and Senators who were in receipt of pensions while still earning an Oireachtas salary.
Biffo insisted he couldn’t stop the practice. These people were entitled in law to “legitimate expectation”, he argued.
In the end, after Labour and Fine Gael politicians were told by their leaders to relinquish their pension, Cowen’s grumbling pensioners – including Bertie Ahern, James McDaid and Máire Rake-it-in – were embarrassed into giving up theirs.
Brian Cowen always does what the lawyers tell him. After all, you can’t be trifling with people’s “legitimate expectation”. Unless they happen to be blind, or carers or ...
Who put the wind in the Gilmore Gale?
Eamon did, Eamon did. Who put the wind in the Gilmore Gale? Eamon Gilmore did.
Stalled in the polls, the Labour Party leader needs to show more substance in the new year if he wants to continue making gains ahead of the election.
Botched attempt at a coup award
Two nominees. The first is that group of disaffected Fianna Fáilers who muttered against their leader for most of the year (they’re still at it) but couldn’t do anything about it. Brian Cowen may be a very unlucky Taoiseach, but he’s blessed with the calibre of his internal opposition.
The second, and clear winner, is that group of mainly urban Fine Gael dissidents who managed to mount a stunningly inept attempt to oust Enda Kenny and impose Richard Bruton in his place. They tried to act swiftly and in secret, and did neither.
They boasted about being “the brightest and the best” and alienated the colleagues they wished to woo with their presumption.
They acted when the party was doing well in the opinion polls and just after Fine Gael moved a no-confidence motion in the Government. Yet, instead of looking fit to lead, they looked a shambles. Their political opponents, on both sides of the house, couldn’t believe their luck.
Enda Kenny, with the help of wily Big Phil Hogan, ran them and ended up being called a political “Man of Steel”. Which was funny.
Backbencher of the year
A tie between deputies Tom McEllistrim, Eamon Scanlon, Noel Grealish and Sean O’Fearghail. No, not sure what they do either as they maintain an, er, low-key presence in the chamber, but we thought it might be nice for them to get their names in the paper for Christmas.
Political handbags award
Step forward handbagger Pat Rabbitte and handbagee Pat Carey. The former Labour Party leader lost the rag with Carey on RTÉ’s Primetime as the Minister was trying to put some sort of positive gloss on his Government’s capitulation to the IMF. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” roared Rabbitte, berating Carey for “comin’ on here with your aul’ palaver”.
Carey looked shell-shocked as Rabbitte continued to attack him.
“You should be ashamed to show your face in the studio after you have brought our country to penury, and the damage that you have done to people’s livelihoods . . . You have destroyed this economy.
“You denied it and then you went on to pretend it was Ireland coming to the rescue of Europe. It’s about time you went, because you can do no more damage to this country. It’s the fault of the Irish Government and you ought to be ashamed of where you have brought us.” Riveting stuff.
Survivors of the year
Brian Cowen (due to the ineptitude of those plotting against him) and Enda Kenny (due to the ineptitude of those plotting against him).
Politician of the year
Fine Gael’s finance spokesman Michael Noonan impresses and entertains in his new role. Baldy’s return has been hailed a resounding success as he continues to dent Brian Lenihan’s halo – the Minister for Finance has had a disappointing year.
Noonan turned out to be the silver lining in the cloud of the leadership heave debacle. His party colleagues – perhaps not the deposed Richard Bruton – are delighted with him, while his assured performance reflects well on Enda Kenny’s management skills. This, in turn, cements the image that party handlers are trying to purvey of a leader who is more chieftain than chief.
The big cheese of 2010
Minister for Agriculture Brendan Smith, for trying to sell a decades-old scheme as a Government initiative to help the needy. Cheesy Smith announced on radio – on the day after Brian Lenihan revealed that €6 billion would be cut in the Budget – that 53 tonnes of fresh cheddar would be distributed around the country.
The Minister said this cheese was “an important means of contributing towards the well-being of the most deprived citizens in the community”.
But the community wasn’t so impressed and rushed to complain on radio talk shows.
The Opposition declared the gesture an “insult” and poor Brendan will go down in history as the Minister who suffered a Marie Antoinette moment with his “let them eat cheese” PR disaster. But at least he’ll be remembered for something.