John Gormley's moment of tooth; TD serenades Taiwan's envoy; Arthur Morgan's wine ordeal; Bertie's on the ball; FAI's PR ordeal; wuff justice for Judge and Bottler; Ian and Martin's US idyll; smoking out the TDs
Green Party leader John Gormley was fashionably late for a reception in Buswell's during the week, where he was due to launch How Ireland Voted 2007, a study of the general election edited by Trinity professors Michael Gallagher and Michael Marsh.
The apologetic Minister for the Environment had a good excuse when he eventually arrived: an unscheduled stopover at the dentist's.
During a party fundraiser the previous evening, John was munching away on a sandwich - unprocessed granary bread, naturally - when disaster struck. It turned out he had broken a tooth on a piece of cracked wheat.
This he will count as one of the lowlights of his first six months in Government, a time which he described to his audience on Tuesday night as "exhausting, exhilarating and perplexing".
If someone had told him prior to the election that he was going to end up in Government with Fianna Fáil and the PDs, his reaction back then would have been swift: "I wouldn't have believed you."
However, while they may be the best of chums now, it can never be forgotten that the Greens remain a mystery to Fianna Fáil.
There are still "occasional gaps of understanding". The Minister recalled an incident at a recent Cabinet committee meeting, when he explained he needed to deliver his Budget speech early, "Because I'm off to Bali."
This caused great puzzlement on the part of Minister for Enterprise Micheál Martin, who did a double-take. "You're what? What are you doing?"
John explained he was travelling to the Indonesian island for the UN climate change conference.
"Oh, that's all right! I thought you said you were off to ballet," said Micheál.
Can't you just see it? John Gormley, cycling off to ballet practice in his little tweed tutu with the wind whistling through his broken tooth. No? They can in Fianna Fáil.
Taipei's high representative in Ireland, Marietta Kao Liau, has returned home after a very successful term here.
Before her departure, she hosted a farewell dinner for the Taiwan-Ireland Parliamentary Friendship Group in a private room in the Shelbourne Hotel. About 40 members of the Dáil and Seanad attended, dining on such delights as smoked salmon and organic pork, and rounding off their meal with a very toothsome French yule log. All washed down by a splendid selection from the Shelbourne cellar.
But the highlight of the gathering - cruelly interrupted for some who had to dash off for a Dáil vote - was the serenading of the departing high representative by the great PJ Sheehan of Cork South West, who is certainly enjoying his return to the Dáil.
Deputy Sheehan's choice of song - The Red River Valley - may have been influenced by his visit to Taipei many years ago with his wife Frances, where they were most impressed by the lovely scenery.
Or maybe PJ is a big fan of Marty Robbins.
One way or the other, the assembled politicians were crying into their Stetsons by the time he finished. There wasn't a dry glass in the house.
Here's the first verse: "From this valley they say you are leaving, We shall miss your bright eyes and sweet smile, For you take with you all of the sunshine, That has brightened our pathway a while, Then come sit by my side if you love me, Do not hasten to bid me adieu, Just remember the Red River Valley, And the cowboy that's loved you so true"
While the war may be over, the struggle continues. (Except these days, it doesn't involve any heavy lifting for Arthur Morgan.) After his years on active service, one would have thought that the Sinn Féin deputy for Louth and former IRA prisoner isn't easily shocked. However, he was left in a weakened condition recently after he was forced to witness an IDA atrocity at close quarters.
Deputy Morgan relived his ordeal during a time-filler Dáil motion on "Competitiveness of the Economy." He spoke in support of Labour's Willie Penrose, who argued that our future economic success lies with small and medium businesses.
"We must throw down the red carpet before those people," said Willie. "The IDA does a good job, but it puts the red carpet before the multinational companies. They are very important, but we must not forget the individual entrepreneur."
Arthur agreed, saying indigenous entrepreneurs were treated with indifference compared to the welcome laid on for outside investors.
"I have personally seen the IDA hosting prospective foreign direct investors in the lap of luxury," he shuddered. "I could hardly lift the big long-stem wine glasses provided, not to mind drink from them."
Poor Arthur. Here's hoping the brave little soldier managed to summon up enough strength to take a few wee sips.
Bertie Ahern presses on, despite his current troubles, and he seems to have a little extra pep in his step at the moment. Perhaps stung by media reports that he has been behaving like a man who doesn't seem to care any more, is the great fight-back beginning? He was in marvellous humour when he hit the doorsteps of East Wall in his Dublin North Central constituency last weekend. Then he took part in two cheesy photocalls at Government Buildings during the week, cuddling a delightfully fluffy kitten in one of them and grinning with a gaggle of singing schoolchildren in the other.
And the sight of nearly two thousand cheering guests last night at the annual Fianna Fáil president's dinner in the City West Hotel will have cheered him further.
But above all, he is said to be completely chuffed by his invitation to address the US Congress early next year. When he steps up to the podium on Capitol Hill, Bertie will become the fifth international statesman to achieve the dual distinction of addressing the UK parliament and US Congress. He'll be up there on the roll of honour with Emperor Haile Selassie, Charles de Gaulle, and Nelson Mandela.
Meanwhile, he's on radio this afternoon for a lengthy interview, and there won't be any mention of tribunals or pay rises. Instead, he will be giving his views to Michael McMullan on Today FM's Premier League Live, expounding on Manchester United, Stadium Ireland, the Saipan World Cup fiasco and the future of the Irish soccer team.
His views on choosing a new manager for the national team should be interesting, particularly to certain ambitious members of the Cabinet.
Communications consultant John Saunders received a well-deserved honorary fellowship from the Public Relations Institute at a lunch in Dublin on Thursday.
He gave his audience an account of how not to approach public relations, with an astonishing yarn about IRA kidnap victim Dr Tiede Herrema and the Football Association of Ireland.
According to Saunders, who is a director with international communications giant Fleishman-Hillard, he approached the FAI after Herrema was released from captivity and suggested a couple of tickets for an upcoming international might be given to Herrema as a gift, and to help him in the aftermath of his terrible ordeal.
The young Saunders was flatly turned down with the comment that "after all the disgrace and bad publicity that man has brought on Ireland, we have no intention of giving him any tickets!" That was over three decades ago. Things are different in the FAI now. Never any complaints about communications these days.
Bertie's photo-op with the singing primary school children from Mayo may be one of those novelty-type pictures he lives to regret. The children were lovely and tuneful, and the occasion a very worthy one - they were at Government Buildings to present him with their CD of the Safe Cross Code road safety song. But standing next to the Taoiseach was entertainer Brendan Grace, in the guise of Dublin gurrier "Bottler", and at his shoulder was puppeteer Eugene Lambert with his most famous creation, a large stuffed dog called Judge. Old pro Bertie grinned for dear life as Judge breathed down his neck and Bottler wise-cracked beside him. But thoughts of how that image might be used in the future, complete with a wide array of smart-alec captions, must have been haunting him.
By the way, it's a very small world. The teacher who accompanied the fifth and six class pupils from Derrywash National School in Castlebar was Sharon Dunleavy. Sharon is a sister of Beverley Flynn TD and daughter of former Fianna Fáil minister Pee Flynn.
Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness were treated like royalty during their trip to America this week. Back in Ireland, we've all become so used to their double-act that it's difficult to remember the way things used to be. But for the Irish-American community, the sight of these former deathly enemies is still a cause of great wonder and celebration.
Before moving on to Washington for meetings with President Bush and presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton, Northern Ireland's Very Best Friends stayed in Fitzpatrick's hotel in Manhattan. They shared the place with seasonal hordes of Christmas shoppers over from the old sod.
On arrival, the Paisleys - Big Ian, Baroness Eileen and Ian "Baby Doc" jnr - were pleased to see the Union flag flying alongside the Irish tricolour, although hotelier John Fitzpatrick was unable to accede to Ian jnr's request for an Ulster flag.
The First Minister and Deputy First Minister met eight ladies from Derry, who were also over on a business and tourism mission. In their case, that involved shopping and sightseeing.
Martin McGuinness was just back from the Vatican, where he attended the installation ceremony for Cardinal Sean Brady. He told Ian that all the cardinals in Rome were asking about him, and they said they were praying for him.
"You can tell them you don't have to pray for me. They should pray for you!" retorted Ian.
When the politicians touched down at Newark airport, Paisley was approached by a forthright lady who informed him: "Ten years ago, I would have struck you in the face!" "Would you like to do it now, Madam?" the DUP leader asked her. She politely declined, expressed her delight at the success of the peace process and then introduced herself as the mother superior of the local convent.
On Thursday night in the Dáil, Bertie Ahern and Labour leader Eamon Gilmore sounded like two weary mammies with wayward boys, as they discussed the proposed Budget increase in the price of cigarettes. "If I thought it would get Deputy Stagg off the habit, I'd propose an amendment to double the increase," sighed Eamon. "We've the same problem with Minister Cullen, but nothing has any effect," shrugged Bertie.
Bertie expressed concern last August about "Lullus hiding in the bushes" waiting to jump out and attack him. He may now be worried that the Lullus are trying to poison him. Guests at the Fianna Fáil's annual president's dinner in the City West hotel last night were intrigued to see a small row of pristine pint glasses with the Bass label, resting discreetly beneath a bar couner. Next to them was a lonely looking Bass beer tap while a handwritten note attached to the glasses carried the message "Glasses for Bertie Only".