Q. How much dosh can I expect to make out of a millennium baby?
A. Quite a lot, but your timing has to be impeccable. People all around the world are paying undue attention to menstrual cycles this month as the race to have the first millennium baby heats up.
A massive package of cash deals and prizes awaits the first child of next year with the US leading the way in the crass commercial stakes.
A Canadian company which owns the patent for the term "Official Millennium Baby" is drumming up $2 million in cash and prizes for the first North American baby of the new year.
Sam Paglia, the owner of a graphic arts company (strangely enough), is now approaching companies to underwrite prizes (an unlimited supply of nappies, a full college scholarship etc) for the first baby. "With a prize of $2 million, we're probably going to create a baby boom," he says.
Things have got so ridiculous now that the Los Angeles Times reports that a San Diego couple aren't just content with having the first new year baby born in the US, they want to have the first new year baby born on the whole planet.
This thoughtful couple have mapped out their conception date and plan to fly to the International Date Line on December 31st and undergo a Caesarean section. They are now looking for media sponsors for their trip, if anybody out there is interested.
The couple, who are named by the LA Times as Duane and Susan Dimock plan to fly to the South Pacific Island of Kiribati along the International Date Line and have the Caesarean at precisely the right time. The couple even have names already picked out: "If it's a girl it's going to be Millie, short for Millennium, and if it's a boy it's going to be Otto, as in ought (for zero). There's going to be somebody who is going to do it, why not us?" they say.
It's not just in the US, though: in Britain, Yorkshire Television is bringing out a series called Birth Race 2000 which will document the new year baby quest of 10 British couples hoping for a January 1st delivery. The series begins on April 10th with a special "nookie night", for some doctors believe that conception on this date will facilitate the birth of a new year baby. Further features planned on the show are an "A to Z of conception".
There has been a lot of controversy over which conception date is best for a millennium baby. The British radio station, Classic FM, had lined up a special night of music for March 20th, but after talking to the station's doctor they have now switched the night to April 11th. "We're sorry, we got our gestation weeks wrong," they told listeners. As in the US, a host of sponsorship deals and cash prizes awaits the first new year British baby.
There's been no such nonsense in good old Catholic Ireland so far, with no one putting up any money for the first new year baby, although maybe people are awaiting a church statement on the matter.
If you really want to be part of the action, you should first log on to www.babycenter.com on the Internet and pick up your specially designed Millennium Conception Kit for a mere steal at $49.99 which contains such essentials as an ovulation calendar and a due date calendar.