DÁIL SKETCH: THE CABINET is off flying the shamrock. Cheltenham is back on track. St Patrick's Day is almost upon us. Easter eggs have to be bought. And there's a grand stretch in the evenings, writes Miriam Lord.
Sure why would anybody in their right mind want to be working as a legislator in Leinster House?
So the Dáil rises today for a combined St Patrick's Day/Easter recess without so much as a blush reddening the brass necks of TDs as they head for the hills. Deputies will finish up at lunchtime and won't get back to the job they were elected to do until Wednesday, April 2nd.
Here's another sickener: they can't even bring themselves to return on a Tuesday, the day on which a Dáil week normally begins. Instead, in keeping with custom and practice, deputies have awarded themselves an extra day at the end of yet another long lay-off.
As for today's proceedings, the lads are having a laugh. They can't even manage to struggle through the normal Thursday timetable, when business routinely lurches to an exhausted close at around teatime.
You won't find any party whips to say it publicly, but it was decided yesterday to truncate the timetable because there aren't any Ministers about and, anyway, everyone is more interested in the racing over in Cheltenham.
Funny thing - when the schedule for business today was first circulated yesterday afternoon, proceedings were due to end at 1.45pm. By the evening, that time had changed to 3.15pm. If one were of a suspicious frame of mind, the thought might occur that media interest forced the change. In reality, the risible addition of an extra hour and a half fools nobody.
At the moment the Houses of the Oireachtas have never been busier, with busloads of school parties and constituency groups stampeding though Leinster House at a terrific rate. Their energy is not matched by the people they have come to view.
Welcome to Dáil Éireann, home of some of the highest paid politicians in the world, currently closed due to lack of interest.
Opposition deputies bemoan the lack of legislation passed by the current Dáil. They have the figures to back up their case, but it's a situation that doesn't appear to bother the Government.
During the Order of Business yesterday, Fine Gael's Richard Bruton raised the subject again.
"We have only passed three Bills during this session, and of 17 Bills only five have been published. There is a sense of growing paralysis on the other side of the House, and I don't know its cause, though many will speculate in that regard."
Perhaps Bertie will return on April 2nd with a renewed interest in the job of governing. That'll be the day after his constitutional crusade to cherish democracy and keep his personal secrets off limits to the Mahon tribunal reaches the High Court.
Back in the Dáil, Taoiseach Ahern, soon to leave for Washington, looked across sleepily at Deputy Bruton. His expression could be summed up in three words: "Am I bovvered?" He chose not to comment.
The Fine Gael finance spokesman listed off important legislation that has been promised in many areas but still hasn't seen the light of day. Not that Bertie seemed to care.
Labour's Eamon Gilmore wants to see more legislating too. Any chance of the teeniest bit of legislation from the Transport Minister even? He brought up the case of 14 inspectors who have been appointed by the Road Safety Authority to inspect lorries and buses, but they can't do their job because the legislation allowing them to act hasn't been introduced.
The Taoiseach sighed wearily that the Bill is ready to be drafted sometime in the future.
Eamon pressed his case. Could the Minister not introduce a small little Bill which would give these inspectors the authority they need? Elbow on desk, chin in hand, Bertie looked across listlessly and said nothing.
Eamon was beginning to lose patience. "It seems utterly ludicrous. The Dáil was suspended yesterday due to the Government's lack of legislation to keep it going. I request a one or two-line piece of legislation to allow these people do their jobs and help save lives on the roads."
Finally, displaying as much zest as a plastic lemon, Bertie shrugged that he would communicate with the relevant department.
If Bertie was going to be embarrassed by the fact that business in the Dáil is being regularly suspended on the few sitting days available for passing legislation, he would have been mortified long before now.
And so the farce continues. Ministers are dispersing to the four corners of the globe, with Seamus Brennan and the ever faithful Willie O'Dea remaining behind to the mind the shop.
It's not a tough job seeing as the shop does very little business.