Loose LeavesAfter a blind auction involving three publishing houses, Hodder & Stoughton has secured the worldwide rights to the autobiography of Cork's most outrageous son, Graham Norton (below).
The chat show host will, according to reports, get a "six-figure sum" for his troubles and he says it will be "a romp from a cockroach-infested council flat in Hackney to buying Claudia Schiffer's Manhattan penthouse". It will be published in 2004, and let's hope it's as interesting as the story of how Hodder set about trying to impress Norton. It created a website that was for his eyes only, the address and password of which was delivered to him on a red velvet cushion by a semi-clad male. The site featured videos of Hodder staff pitching marketing ideas and generally showering him with love and compliments, behaviour that was all so Graham Norton. Hodder & Stoughton, as it happens, is on a bit of a roll when it comes to signing up Irish celebrities. Bono is the latest acquisition, with Bono: In Conversation scheduled for publication in September, 2005. The conversations in question will take place with French journalist, novelist and friend to the rock star, Michka Assayas. Hodder claims it is "the closest we will ever get to an autobiography". Bono will receive the ubiquitous "six-figure sum".
Disastrous opening lines
The results are in for this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, which "honours" the year's worst opening sentences. Named after novelist Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, whose 1830 novel, Paul Clifford, began with that much-plagiarised line, "It was a dark and stormy night . . .", it invites terrible opening lines to imaginary novels. From the thousands of submissions emerged this corker from Mariann Simms of Alabama: "They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavour entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland cheddar and the white . . . mozzarella, although it could possibly be provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by colouring it differently." The sponsor, San José University, praised Simms's parody of literary faux-pas and said that she will receive "the contest's traditional prize - a pittance". Congratulations to Waterford's Michael Minihan who earned a "dishonourable mention" in the romance category for this effort: "There was something unnerving about the way Jim looked at Doris that day, something which made her tremble, which brought back painful childhood memories of a boat trip off the coast of western Finland flooding back like a flood, flowing back, on to a boat, oh, you see why it was so difficult for her to get the memories out of her head once they had flowed in there." The list of winners can be read at www.bulwer-lytton.com
Kennelly festival
The Brendan Kennelly Summer Festival, which runs in Ballylongford, Co Kerry, from Thursday, August 7th to Sunday, the 10th, will examine the theme of "Stories and Silence". Among the events will be a lecture by John Lonergan, governor of Mountjoy Jail. John Connolly and Paul Johnston will be directors of a creative writing workshop; the Poetry Symphony will give a platform to any aspiring poets who fancy their chances; while the Sunday Tribune poetry reading will feature the winners of this year's Brendan Kennelly competition. There will also be the usual packed programme of art, music, crafts and drama, as well as plenty of children's events. The curtain will come down with a local drama group's presentation of Bawdy and Soul, a play based on Kennelly's work, Moloney Up and At It. Kennelly will once again give the opening reading. A four-day ticket costs 50 for one or €80 for two. For details telephone 068-43557 or e-mail kennellysummerfestival@ireland.com
Writers apply
October will see the publication of Ireland's first dedicated short story magazine, Whispers and Shouts. The monthly publication will feature well-known writers, as well as first-time authors, and is looking for submissions for its first issue. Whispers and Shouts,
Terenure Enterprise Centre, 17 Rathfarnham Road, Terenure, Dublin 6W (including s.a.e.) or e-mail whispersandshouts@eircom.net