The Bigger Picture Shalini SinhaMany of us worry. It's a silent plague that starts in our mind and spreads to affect every aspect of our health. It is a feeling of being out of control.
If we persistently believe in it, it grows in momentum, slowly taking over, driving us out of control.
Sleepless nights, over or under eating, stress, anxiety and high blood pressure are just some of its consequences, eating away at us and wearing us down.
Then again, if we could stop the worry, we would. In some strange way, it makes us feel in control. Anxiety gives us a false sense of alertness.
Even though those moments of worry are rarely moments when we're actually doing anything, letting our thoughts dwell on our difficulties somehow gives us the impression that we are. We're caught in an illusion.
Most of us justify worrying with the practical problems of our lives - the "objects" of our worry. However, these struggles don't cause our worry.
If it wasn't this problem, it would be the next. We worry because we feel powerless, fearful and insecure.
In order to stop worrying, then, we must challenge this perspective.
It is helpful to get our practical issues out of our way first. There is a simple structure for doing this: First, identify the problem clearly, including the factors it affects and when you need it to be resolved by. Then, make a plan and put it in action.
If you don't have the skills, seek them out. If you need information, get it. If you don't know what to do, consult those who do.
Whatever you do, do something.
As part of your plan, decide days and times you will work on this problem each week, and for how long.
Then, train yourself not to think about it outside of those times - you can trust yourself and your plan to deal with this struggle. When you do this, you'll find things start moving quickly.
Having taken care of the practical issues, we need to address the psychological habit. Worrying is an emotional struggle, and so key to tackling it is sharing it with someone who will love you through it (a friend, family member, partner or even work colleague).
Worry is not born from rational fears, and needn't be treated as such. Worry is about feeling overwhelmingly on our own and powerless, often with a hint of impending doom.
Sharing these fears with others is an active way of taking responsibility and making a connection, thus challenging the isolation and powerlessness felt from worry.
When we take responsibility for a situation, we gain freedom. It is a relief; it's affirming to recognise something we can change and then to take action to change it. This is empowering, and directly contradicts the experience of worry.
Along with everything else, worry is an inability to make a decision about when a problem deserves our attention, and when it does not.
Quite simply, a problem deserves our attention when we have control over it (or aspects) and can take steps to affect it. It does not deserve our attention when it is beyond our realm of influence.
In other words: change what you can, learn and grow from what you can't.
When we are adults, nothing need overwhelm us.
Still, many people suffer most from worry when they sleep (or try to). This is also when it is most difficult to choose not to pay attention to the struggle.
There is a reason for this: the middle of the night is when there are the least distractions and we feel most vulnerable. Our mind processes a great number of our experiences, past and present, in our sleep.
During this process, it sometimes raises experiences we haven't yet been able to deal with, but need to.
These can come in the form of unsettling dreams or nightmares. And they can wake us from our sleep, or keep us from sleeping altogether.
Whether our struggle is during the day or night, ultimately letting ourselves be responsible for them is our key to its end.
Finally, to let go of worry we must nurture faith - not faith as defined by religion, but faith defined by a belief in ourself, those around us and life itself.
After the practicalities are accounted for, it is faith that will teach us to stop worrying about the things that cannot be changed and have the courage to do something about those that must.
Faith is the most powerful antidote to fear and insecurity. By noticing that we do think well, and behaving in ways that reinforce this, we can nurture a faith in ourselves . . . and let the rest go.
ssinha@irish-times.ie
Shalini Sinha is a life coach and Bowen practitioner in her clinic, Forward Movement.