THE BIGGER PICTURE: It is essential that we each trust our thinking. Our thinking defines who we are - it is the sum of our experiences, the results of what we have learned, and the material with which we can contribute to the world.
Our thinking allows us to survive even the most difficult experiences, and imagine brighter futures. It also allows us to plan strategically, change the direction of our life, and achieve things that may not have otherwise happened easily. In many ways, it is our thinking that makes us uniquely human.
When we are frightened, shocked, neglected or mistreated, the first thing to suffer is our thinking. We go blank, become confused or simply get "stuck in our tracks".
For a moment, the process of thinking shuts down. We become overwhelmed and overshadowed by the intensity of the emotional experience. Above all, it is this very real state of sensations that must be dealt with first.
Otherwise, our intelligence will not restart itself, and we will be hindered in taking in new information, learning from the situation and moving forward. For most of us, this is the point in the process that breaks down.
We meet our emotional needs through one simple means - attention. Emotions require attention. This is where our human needs for love and support come from. Not only can we not ignore our feelings, but there is also no reasonable reason to try.
With loving, powerful, positive attention from others, any emotion can be healed, processed and moved through. When this happens, we simultaneously move through the incident that evoked them, and think better than ever before.
On the other hand, when this most basic resource is denied us, those emotions get lodged in our brains and bodies, taking influence over parts of our lives that they were never meant to be involved with and staying with us throughout life. We become habitually fearful, mistrusting and isolated. This is why we continue to repeat old mistakes.
This is why we develop persistent "patterns" of behaviour. This is also the root of so-called "personality traits" where we are labelled "chronically shy" or "mysteriously outgoing".
Somewhere along the way we lose both the hope and information that we all have the same basic potential. Anyone can reach out to others, express his/herself and take risks. It all depends on the combination of what we've been through in the past and how well it was dealt with.
Most importantly, our feelings interfere with our thinking. Indeed, this is how our real limits get set in. Sometimes we become paralysed - a deer caught in headlights, unable to think at all, poorly functioning and highly dependent. Other times, we figure out just enough to act over our feelings, and so stay in motion, but repeating actions that are increasingly more rigid. Our thinking is uninspired. We lack the ability to come up with new ideas, but react with the same old responses, over and over again.
Although not unexpected, it is a true injustice that our society actively demeans the emotional aspect of being human. "Strength" has become synonymous with looking like you have no emotions. As such, we deny each other attention we deserve.
However, our ability to feel emotion is one of the most valuable parts of our being - it is the only piece that makes it possible for us to end injustice because it makes us want to treat each other well. It allows us to care, makes things matter, and is a real power. Neglecting it only turns us into idiots.
And so we see how "looking for attention" is actually quite a good thing. More so, it's important. If we are to recover flexible brilliance, we will have to get some attention. Indeed, receiving sufficient attention on our struggles is the only process by which we can bring those struggles to an end and ensure we don't act them out on others.
Thus, denying each other attention, defining it as "bad behaviour" to seek attention, in fact creates a recipe for a numbed-out, dysfunctional, oppressive society. And so, it's not at all strange that this is where we've arrived.
Flexible thinking always involves completely new thoughts on a situation, and yields many more than just two solutions. Furthermore, trusting our thinking does not need to mean being in competition with others.
Each person has distinct experiences and valuable perspectives to offer. There is a tremendous value to inviting as many diverse perspectives to the table. We do not need to argue someone else's ideas to death, or prove others are "wrong" in order to have some faith in our own ability to think.
Indeed, when we do lose access to our thinking - and life always creates situations where this happens - we will need each other's thinking in order to regain our own. We will need to have people around us. There is a value to ensuring we are all thinking well. Everything goes remarkably better when this happens.
Shalini Sinha works as a life coach and counsellor, practises the Bowen Technique and is part of The Health Squad on RTÉ.