HEALTH PLUS:There are various ways of checking whether your child is mature enough to babysit, writes DAVID COLEMAN.
I SAW your article the other week about babysitting. My daughter is 14, she’ll be 15 in September, and she has been asking for some months now to be allowed to babysit. In fact, we have had a neighbour come to us to ask us if we would let her babysit for them. So far I have said “no”.
They know her pretty well and they feel she would be fine. I am just not sure though. If there was a big problem, like a fire, for example, would she be able to react? Or what if one of the children got sick or had a nightmare? I suppose I just worry about her not coping. Are there any guidelines for babysitting? How can I prepare her so that she will know what to do?
Well, if you remember my response to the recent query, I spoke about trying to identify how responsible your daughter is, generally. I suggested that one way to do this is to look at how she treats things like her money and her phone credit.
Think about whether she is reliable at following through on promises that she makes. Think about how independently she approaches things like school work or homework. Think about how attentive and responsive she is to demands that are made of her.
Think about the views of other people in relation to her maturity, responsibility and trustworthiness.
If all the indicators are positive and suggest that she is a reliable and ‘copped-on’ youngster then you may want to let her try babysitting.
Certainly there are things you, and she, need to be mindful of when she is planning to babysit.
The first thing is that she should know the family who she will be babysitting for. Always recommend to her that she takes on babysitting jobs based on ‘word of mouth’, rather than her advertising publicly. The last thing you or she needs is to have her phone number up on notice-boards in shops or supermarkets.
Think about her experience with babies or small children to date. How does she interact with younger children? Does she feel confident with babies or toddlers or can she manage older children?
Suggest to her that she never takes on a job if she is unsure about whether she can be in charge. It is really important that she feels she is in control while she is working. Otherwise her confidence will be dented and the children may not get minded well.
Make sure that she finds out if any of the children have medical needs, especially if she is to administer any pre-bedtime medication. She should know where the family first-aid box is in case plasters and the like are needed.
She should find out if any of the children have allergies and it is also worth finding out if there are any kinds of foods that the parents definitely don’t want the children to eat should they need a snack, or indeed if the children expect a supper-time snack before bed.
Get the parents of the family to write a list of emergency contacts, including their numbers, the name and number of the GP and the name of a neighbour who could be called if your daughter needs help with a situation urgently.
Make sure these numbers are stuck to the fridge or are otherwise easily to hand. Check that your daughter knows how to make a 999 call, including all the details she will be expected to give.
I think it is worth checking if the parents have any particular way that they like to manage misbehaviour of their children and whether they expect your daughter to use the same approach.
Your daughter should check with the parents about what she is and is not allowed to do after the children are in bed. Can she use the TV, games console, DVD player or computer? Can she use the house phone?
Your daughter should definitely familiarise herself with the house, taking a tour with the parents in advance if needed, but she should be mindful of the family’s privacy and not snoop through drawers or wardrobes.
Remind her that babysitting means keeping herself and the children safe, so simple things like locking the external doors and not opening the door to strangers are also important. Equally, she needs to pay attention to the children while they are awake and continue to check on them occasionally once they are asleep.
In the early days of her babysitting I am guessing that you will be sitting at home, worrying about her, probably texting her occasionally to make sure all is well.
Try not to be too fretful but do let her know that you are there to offer advice or guidance if she is ever unsure about how to deal with a situation.
David Coleman is a clinical psychologist and broadcaster with RTÉ television
Readers’ queries are welcome and will be answered through the column, but David regrets he cannot enter into individual correspondence. Questions should be e-mailed to healthsupplement@irishtimes.com