Mind Moves:Last week's World Congress of the International Association for Suicide Prevention in Kerry brought together some of the finest minds around to help us make sense of why people might choose to end their life.
Many factors that put people at risk for suicide were identified. Hopefully, as these insights trickle down into our collective consciousness, we will feel better equipped to help each other to live our lives when the going gets really tough.
One issue that seldom gets talked about, and which was raised by President McAleese in her address to this conference, was the link between sexual orientation and suicide. Research has indicated that there is a much greater risk of people who are attracted to their own sex attempting suicide. This link has been shown to be strongest among young people.
Why are gay, lesbian and bisexual teens more likely to attempt suicide? The reasons for this are not entirely clear. Research suggests that discrimination due to the social stigmatisation of homosexuality in our culture may be the key factor.
Gay, lesbian and bisexual teens are more likely than their peers to report past victimisation and resulting problems with substance abuse and depression. The cumulative impact of these factors, rather than their sexual orientation alone, can lead to self-harm and suicide.
Sexuality is a very sensitive issue for every young person, particularly for young men. Until we men feel we've "proven ourselves" in this arena, we remain anxious about the whole topic.
Of course we keep our anxieties to ourselves, while we liberally project our fears of inadequacy onto others. In secondary school we make constant references to homosexuality, and we are seldom tolerant in our remarks. The greater our fears of not being "real men" the greater the likelihood that we may become quite vicious in our verbal - and at times physical - assault on anyone who seems to show signs of being "this way".
The realisation that one is attracted sexually to people of the same sex can be one of the most painful and isolating experiences in a young person's life. It conflicts with their desire to fit in and to belong with their peers, both of which are a crucial part of adolescent development.
They already know full well how their peers may view them. Many will suppress their feelings and internalise completely their anxiety over being gay.
The decision to talk to someone about their inner "gay" feelings is fraught with risk. A friend of mine recalled what happened when he confided in a teacher whom he admired and trusted. He was told that he should talk to the police and get their advice.
"I felt I was a criminal, I hadn't done anything, but for years afterwards, I became very suppressed and suicidal and began to harm myself with blades to stop myself from being what I was."
Granted we have become a more tolerant society and this example may seem extreme, but in rural settings especially, a young person with homosexual feelings may still find it hard to find tolerance, let alone acceptance.
An Australian study also identified that the time of greatest risk for young people with same-sex orientation (SSA) was when they attempted to "come out" about their feelings. In one study of young people with SSA, after "coming out" 46 per cent had experienced abuse and 7 per cent had experienced violence because of their sexuality. This abuse was most likely to happen at school, with verbal abuse most commonly reported (65 per cent).
Verbal and physical abuse by family and peers are associated with running away, conflict with the law, substance abuse, prostitution and suicide. Being subjected repeatedly to community violence, losing close friends, and rejection by families appeared to push these young people over the edge.
Pronouncements by church leaders that homosexuality is simply wrong do little to create a safe context in our community for gay people to come to terms with their sexuality. Many of you, like myself, grew up in an ethos where sexual feelings were shrouded in shame and guilt.
We became split within ourselves as we banished our sexual feelings into the dark recesses of our mind. Our collective guilt made it hard for us to become easy with our own nature and was perhaps responsible in many cases for people developing a very twisted relationship with sexuality, which was then diverted into abusive behaviour towards others.
There is a much healthier openness now about matters sexual, even if we sometimes go too far in the opposite direction towards extremes of salacious disclosure and exploitation of sexuality.
But isn't it time that we began to accept people whose orientation is different from ours with the same respect and openness that we wish had been there for us in our struggle to grow as sexual beings?
Tony Bates is founder director of Headstrong - The National Centre for Youth Mental Health www.headstrong.ie
