IT'S that time of year again when grown men indulge, however fleetingly, in ritual fantasy: conceiving New Year's resolutions. Hardy cynics don't make them; idealists with poor memories do. Realists approach them warily, chastened by a distaste for self inflicted guilt, born of the ancient conflict between willing and doing.
As a new year beckons, Man Alive invited people from different, interested walks of life to propose New Year's resolutions for healthy Irish men who want to stay healthy and for ageing models who want to forestall the men's scrappage scheme.
. Mick McCarthy, Republic of Ireland soccer manager, suggests we do a sensible amount of exercise. He advises against unfit guys "who get kitted out and blast down the road, running their butts off for two minutes and get sick. They won't do it again. Far better off going for a 20 minute brisk walk."
. Rachel McGrath, director of Who's Who For The Unattached, says that January is their busiest time of year. She exhorts men to get into a relationship: "It's a proven fact that men in a relationship are happier and healthier. Forget Pamela Anderson. There's loads of lovely Irish girls out there for you.
. Mary Bryans, the director of the Dublin branch of the Samaritans suggests that we: "Listen quietly and with respect to the thoughts and feelings of others, particularly young people who can feel isolated even in a crowd. Give time to others but don't give unasked for advice.
. Austin O'Carroll of the Marriage and Relationship Counselling Service in Grafton Street, Dublin, proposes the following resolution: "To help my partner change to the person they want to become rather than to what I want them to become and I'll ask them to do the same for me.
. Dick Shannon, National Director of the Simon Community, suggests that men consider doing some voluntary work. There, freed from the competitive atmosphere of the workplace, men can "create community, reach out to people and accept others where they are. It calls on men's gentleness and empathy. Volunteers learn that everybody is broken, fragile, vulnerable and they learn to accept themselves in the process."
. Nick Killian, public relations officer of the National Parents Council, suggests three New Year's resolutions for husbands and fathers: to listen better to your, wife and children; to listen better to your wife and children; and finally to listen better to your wife and children.
. Prof John Fitzpatrick, Consultant Urologist at the Mater Hospital in Dublin, has a message for those passing blood in urine: "Patients tend not to tell anyone but it's very important that they do. If painless and intermittent, there could be a tumour in the bladder." So, if you have this complaint and are living with it secretly, resolve this very day to see your doctor. There's a direct relationship between early detection and cure.
. Dr Catherine Crowe, Consultant in Sleep Disorders at the Mater Private Hospital in Dublin, has a resolution for snorers. If your partner has handed you this to read, perhaps you'll take the hint. Dr Crowe advises: "If you're a heavy snorer, get sleepy during the day, or if your partner has noticed you stop breathing while sleep, tell your GP."
. Denise Comerford, health promotion nurse at the department of preventive medicine at St Vincent's Hospital in Dublin points out that "the first smoking related health warning came from King James I in 1604: he described the habit as `loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmful to the brain and dangerous to the lungs'. If you're going to try to kick the habit, count every cigarette you don't smoke."
. Dr Edward Hanlon, Consultant Psychiatrist with the North Western Health Board says: "There's a climate of guilt about being male. Maleness is not a disease or disorder. There's been a lot of bad press. I hope for 1997 we would have to endure less guilt. A little guilt, if it's purposeful, can be beneficial if it's part of a learning process but a lot of guilt is not good or healthy. It can retard a person's progress and be punitive and introspective."
. Peter Cassells, General Secretary of the Irish Congress of Trade Unions, notes the lethal stress and insecurity of the modern workplace: "Charlie Chaplain's powerful portrayal of man as slave to the workings of the machine is being recreated with men and women as subservient to the whims of the market."
Cassells exhorts employers to include workers in a collaborative way adding: "A happy and secure workforce is a productive workforce. Fair play is good for workers and good for business."
Finally, tomorrow is the adverb of the defeated. So why not stub out that fag now or go and make that call to your GP or decide to listen hard to your wife or kids tonight or help your workers feel, more secure today. If New Year's resolutions have any hope of success, you've got to put them into, practice right now.