TVScope: Nanny 911, TV3, Thursday, December 8th, 8pm.
'I thought I was in charge."
Eight-year-old Jacqueline is reacting to the news that from now on her mother will be the boss in their home. "I think she needs more training," she adds for good measure.
Nanny 911 is another of those TV series about out-of-control children whose behaviour is transformed in a week by the arrival of a no-nonsense expert.
In this episode, Jacqueline and her seven-year-old brother, Colin, inflict a disturbing level of violence on their mother, Kirsten, and on each other.
Their father died a year previously and Kirsten has never been able to impose discipline on the children since.
Jacqueline is by far the worst of the two. Kicking her mother hard and repeatedly is as nothing to her. Neither is abusing her mother at the top of her voice and generally treating her with utter and obvious contempt.
Never mind. Nanny 911 is ready to come to the rescue. Nanny Deb observes the chaos and starts to lay down the law.
The secret of success seems to be a matter of doing two things at the same time. The first is to establish a set of rules and to apply consequences consistently when they are broken. The second is to ensure that the little horrors feel loved.
All easier said than done. New rules laid down by Deb, such as not hitting Mom, are greeted with derision, especially by Jacqueline.
When Colin misbehaves, Kirsten hauls him off to the sofa and has a good talk with him. This, I should add, involves dragging him down the stairs step by step while he struggles and protests. Colin sees the light and starts to behave.
Jacqueline is another matter. When her mother insists that she get off the phone and do her homework, she creates absolute mayhem. The house is left in disarray and she beats Kirsten all the way up the stairs and into her room.
Poor Kirsten tries to reason with her in a soft and gentle voice but to no avail. Nanny Deb points out that if she uses a soft and gentle voice all the time the children will not know how she feels. Better, she says, to use an angry tone when you are angry and a gentle tone when you are not.
After a little of this, even the horrid Jacqueline begins to behave. By the end of the week they are all sitting around the table eating their dinner in a most mannerly fashion.
Could it be as simple as this? Could simple, straightforward rules applied consistently be the answer to family chaos?
In all probability they are, but applying them from inside a situation of chaos is no easy thing - especially if the child has found a way to break numerous rules at the one time. It also helps if the parent has experienced a reasonable level of parenting themselves and is sufficiently strong to be able to apply the rules.
There are, by the way, people in this country who do what the Nanny 911 people do in the US. They don't wear silly uniforms and they don't get on TV.
They work as "community mothers" and they make an enormous difference to families who are seriously stressed out.
But, unlike Nanny 911, they cannot send families on a holiday to Hawaii as a reward for behaving.
Does the prospect of a holiday encourage children like Colin and Jacqueline to behave? And when the holiday is over will they return to their old ways? We do not know, any more than we know whether they are acting up for the camera.
But criticising other people's children - and the parents - is always an enjoyable activity and perhaps it is this that makes Nanny 911 and programmes like it such compelling viewing.
Padraig O'Morain is a journalist and counsellor.