Tuning into your partner during conflict:Think of a major ongoing conflict that occurs regularly between you and your partner. This exercise works best if you think of one where you find it hard to understand your partners point of view and where you feel they are behaving irrationally or unreasonably.
Take a moment to understand your own point of view and how you feel about the issue (it can help to write some of this down).
Now take a moment to “tune into” your partner and how they feel about the situation. Try to step into their shoes and see the situation from their perspective. Imagine what your partner feels and thinks. If you find yourself coming up with a negative reason (such as they are just lazy), try to tune in a little deeper.
- What are the positive explanations for their behaviour?
- What positive goal underpins their feelings?
- When you have come up with a few possible positive understandings, write these down.
You can try doing this exercise together and then share your respective understandings, checking whether you have understood your partner correctly.
Tuning into yourself:Build a regular alone time in your life, when you have time to relax, think and reflect. This can be as simple as taking a daily walk or more formally creating a space to meditate.
During this time, regularly review the important things in your life (such as your relationships) and the things that give you most satisfaction. Listen to and notice your deeper feelings and values.
It can help to write some of these thoughts down and to keep a regular journal. You can also use the journal to make notes of simple plans you want to make around your relationships such as committing to a special event that is important to either you or your partner.