That's men for you: Padraig O'Morain's guide to men's health
A few weeks ago I wrote in this column about the experience of being "in the doghouse". I am afraid I am now in the doghouse myself with some of our readers as a result.
I suggested that being in the doghouse is an exclusively male experience. Men are put in the doghouse by their partners for our offences, real or imagined, for a day or two at a time.
Reader Ruth Stokes from Clonmel suggests that "this is on a par with: 'Black people do not get bullied. It is a situation exclusively reserved for white people.' Absurd, untrue and offensive, in addition to promoting further discrimination, prejudice and injustice."
She adds: "What you described as 'silences, sighs, pursed lips and general indications that your welfare is of no interest to your partner' are inflicted on many women by their male partners. The fact that the women who have spoken to you have not told you this does not mean that it is not happening. The fact that the men who have spoken to you may have said that they are victims of such ill-treatment does not mean that all men are victims nor does it mean that all women are bullies.
"As a reader of The Irish Times I expect accuracy and fairness in reporting and features - regardless of the gender, race, age, socioeconomic background or marital status of the writer."
Another reader, who does not wish to be identified, said women too were subjected to sulking and silences from their men. These experiences, she said, were a great deal more distressing than I made out in my article.
She objected to my use of stereotypes (I referred to the man in the doghouse affecting indifference as to whether he got his dinner or not), and to what she saw as my lame attempts at humour in relation to such a serious subject.
It seems to me that there is a distinction to be made between the sort of experience I described and the more serious behaviours to which my readers refer.
I do not regard the experience of being in the doghouse as one of being bullied or as involving one person setting out to hurt another.
The doghouse experience, which I think is a normal part of all intimate relationships, involves one partner - usually the woman, in my opinion - affecting to withdraw her warmth and social support from the man for a period of hours or days. I say "affecting to withdraw" because I do not believe this withdrawal is serious. If the man was in danger I have no doubt that the woman would step in to protect him.
There is a more serious level of conflict in which partners put each other through pain, psychological or physical, to punish them or to exert control over them to an extent which is damaging both to the other person and to the relationship.
This can involve both emotional and physical pain, and sometimes both. That I believe is very different from the doghouse experience I described.
I know that Ms Stokes is unimpressed by this argument. Perceptions of what constitutes bullying vary depending on individual experiences and the social settings in which people find themselves, she replied, when I put these points to her in an e-mail.
She suggests that in my article I put forward "generalisations not based on fact . . . as if they were factual accounts".
I can only respond that my views on the doghouse phenomenon were clearly my views. They do not purport to be based on research. When I use research as the basis of my articles I generally say so.
I believe there is a need to separate out the normal level of conflict in relationships from that which is unacceptable. And I believe - though I cannot produce a research study to back up my belief - that the experience of being in the doghouse is normal and nothing to write home about, whatever about writing articles about it in The Irish Times.
• Padraig O'Morain is a journalist and counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.