MIND MOVES:Unexpected events, like the downturn, can pose major challenges to our sense of self, writes TERRY LYNCH.
WE EACH have our own personal way of seeing the world and everything in it, including ourselves. Within our world view are themes which are at the core of our existence, including our perception of ourselves and others, how our personal world is constructed, how safe and secure we feel within our world, and our level of confidence in our ability to get our needs met.
We gradually shape our world view over time as we journey through life, interacting with people, situations and events, building up a world view of ourselves within the world. This world view is greatly influenced by our perception of the outcomes of our interactions with others and the world.
Through this process, we come to our own conclusions regarding key aspects of living, including our perceptions of ourselves, how lovable, acceptable and capable we are, the limits of our safety boundaries, what we believe we can deal with effectively and what we feel is beyond our capacity to handle. We filter all of our experiences through this personal, panoramic world view.
Being largely creatures of habit and repetition, most of our experiences are already familiar to us; they do not significantly challenge our world view. The majority of our new experiences are gentle, gradual, unintrusive, within the range of what we expect and feel capable of handling without any major ruffling of our feathers. We easily integrate these experiences within our pre-existing world view.
When something major and highly significant to us occurs which we do not expect or are not prepared for, the result can be a major, sudden shattering of our world view, changing it suddenly, dramatically, giving us little or no time to adjust.
We experience this shattering as shock. We may experience major shock when something of immense importance occurs either to ourselves, people who matter to us, or to anything which has profound significance for us.
The economic tsunami which has recently hit our shores has greatly affected our world view, suddenly and profoundly affecting important aspects of our lives which we presumed were rock solid. Those most affected are those whose world view has been most profoundly changed by the recession, including people who either did not see the tsunami coming or presumed there would never be such a tsunami, and those whose lives have been most adversely affected by its impact.
Not all sources of shock are ones which we would automatically interpret as negative. A major lottery win has the capacity to abruptly alter our world view. International research suggests that many major lottery winners struggle with the massive changes and challenges which accompany a major and unexpected financial windfall, often becoming seriously ungrounded and destabilised by the transformed and unfamiliar landscape created by their new wealth.
When we receive a major shock, we may feel shattered, fragmented into little pieces, lost for words, paralysed and lost, in no-man’s land. We may feel totally thrown off our feet, exposed, our defences torn asunder, the very meaning of our lives stripped away. Our immediate instinct may be to protect ourselves, to recoil from its impact and withdraw to a place of safety, to relationships which help us feel some semblance of safety, or to withdraw deep within ourselves. Sometimes the shock is so great that no safe haven exists. We may feel so dazed that we cannot protect and take care of ourselves in this new situation. This initial reaction is understandable and is often necessary, a frantic attempt to stop the overwhelming impact of the shock.
We may initially be so shocked that it does not strike us that we need care, holding, protection, like a dazzled rabbit confronted by car headlights.
We may need some time before we can even begin to take in what has happened to us. It is important not to make major decisions we might later realise were not what the situation required.
Over time, if we do not work through the shock, we may reach an uneasy, anxious equilibrium, having disconnected and disassociated from (rather than assimilated and integrated) the shock. We may seem reasonably okay, within a narrower life circle and experience, provided we avoid any contact with triggers or reminders of the original shock.
Gradually, we need to try to move on. This may mean allowing others to support us, to help us gradually get back on our feet again. Depending on the situation, we may need to grieve fully for the loss and change, working through the associated emotions. We may need to risk putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time, and get back out there. Through this painful process, we often experience growth and find strength inside ourselves we never realised we possessed.
Given the nature of life with its unpredictability and uncertainty, we cannot hope to totally insulate ourselves from shock. We can, however, reduce both our exposure to and the impact of shock by expecting the unexpected, by tackling our challenges, by living in the real world.
We can thus learn to be comfortable with uncertainty while simultaneously enjoying life now, in the present.
drterrylynch.com
Dr Terry Lynch is a psychotherapist and GP practising in Limerick