ASK THE EXPERT:It is important to develop a regular night-time routine for your child, writes David Coleman
MY 19-month-old daughter was born a little colicky and so was a little unsettled at first. I was breastfeeding for the first three months or so and so she was used to falling asleep on the breast and wouldn't sleep in her Moses basket/cot for months.
However, we got to the stage at around 13 months where I could put her in the cot after reading a story when she was a little drowsy and I could leave the room and potter about upstairs. She would nod off to sleep by herself. Then a few months ago she reverted to needing to be fast asleep to be put in the cot.
So in recent weeks, she will fall asleep on me while reading a story or rocking, I will try to put her in cot and she will wake up as I am doing so. This can go on and on for as long as she wants it to and eventually when I have her sound asleep I can put her in the cot without her waking.
The other night I was losing patience and so ended up bringing her downstairs in front of the TV where she fell straight asleep on my chest!
She is going through a few changes in the creche which she attends three days a week in that she has moved to a new room with new children to play with and new minders looking after her.
I don't want to make bed-time a time of the day for her that we are all stressed out. If she goes to bed upset, I then get upset and she becomes worse. Any advice on what I am doing wrong, how I can try to rectify this, and indeed on how these new phases in her life do affect her from day to day?
YOU ARE absolutely right to recognise that both developmental shifts and shifts in daily routine can have a knock-on effect for children's sleeping. The key point to remember is that any change leads to a level of unpredictability (we can't know what to expect), and unpredictability can increase anxiety.
Children's anxiety can be seen in various ways, but sleeping is often one of the most common ways for them to express it. In essence, sleeping usually occurs when we are at our most calm and relaxed. So, if anything is upsetting that calmness, sleeping can get disrupted.
You will probably recognise that trying to fall asleep while worrying about something is very difficult. Children, too, seek maximum security, stability and comfort when trying to fall asleep and so at times rely on their parents for that security and comfort. Alternatively, the disruption or change in their daily routine can lead to anxiety-related dreams which often disturb them enough to awaken them.
So, your daughter may once again fall back into a regular sleep routine and pattern as she becomes accustomed to her new creche arrangements.
The task for you is to create a bedtime routine that further strengthens the sense of rhythm and security for your daughter. By its nature, a routine involves the same, or a broadly similar, thing happening at around the same time every day.
So your starting place might be to decide about the actual bed-time. Despite the lighter summer evenings, I would suggest 7.30pm as the latest bed-time for a 19 month old. Missing a child's tired point and having them head into a "second-wind" is very disruptive to sleep.
As with any night-time routine, make sure there are several preparatory steps such as putting on pyjamas, last drink, brushing teeth, reading a story and so on. These all become indicators for your child that the time for sleep is approaching.
There are no rights and wrongs about where children fall asleep. But if you would like her to develop an independent, self-soothing routine, the first step is to decide to let her fall asleep in her cot, rather than on your chest or in your arms.
Stay with her as she falls asleep and offer whatever reassurance you like, such as holding her hand or murmuring to her. In due course you can gently wean her off even these supports.
It is always possible that she will be upset initially while she adapts to this new way of falling asleep and it is essential that you stay calm (practice relaxation techniques!) and that you persevere. She needs to learn to trust that you will be there - but not carrying her - and that her cot is a safe and comfortable place.
This is a stage she has reached before (when she was 13 months) and I have no doubt that you and she can reach it again. Indeed, the calmness and the regularity that you will be creating for her at night may also assist her in recouping a general sense of security that might have a knock-on positive effect in helping her to settle in the new creche arrangements.