MIND MOVES:If we release pent-up emotions, we can help deal with our anxieties
A COMMON experience within modern-day Irish life, anxiety is too large a topic to cover in a single article. Here, I will explore one pattern which is present in many people with whom I have worked, and for whom anxiety has been a major problem.
This anxiety is akin to a volcano, the well of emotion builds up increasingly over time, generating increasing pressure within, as if we are going to burst. In one direction - outwards - there is the considerable force of these pent-up emotions which need to be released. In the opposite direction - inwards - there is the often considerable force the person exerts in an attempt to resist feeling and expressing these emotions.
These powerful opposing forces are often experienced as great anxiety.
Expressing the emotions eases the intensity of both of these forces, resulting in a decrease in the experienced anxiety. Because experiencing and expressing pent-up emotions can be overwhelming and very difficult to tolerate, these emotions tend to be released in pulses of limited duration.
These pulses can be very intense, especially at the beginning of the process, becoming gradually less so over time.
I recall a woman in her mid-30s. Having experienced a great deal of anxiety for many years, more recently this anxiety had become ever-present, disabling, interfering greatly with the quality of her life.
Convinced that she had no reason to be anxious, she understandably viewed it as an unwelcome, inexplicable and intolerable interference within her life. She was convinced that her anxiety made no sense, that it was totally inconsistent with the capable, logical person she saw herself to be.
I have found that in my work it is essential to take time to get to know the person, what makes them tick, how they think, feel, interpret their world, how they live, how they see themselves and others. Clues to a possible explanation for her anxiety gradually emerged as I got to know her.
Close friends had commented to her that they felt they did not know her. She did not share her life stories with them, though she was excellent at listening to theirs.
Control was a big theme in her life. For years, controlling her environment was an ongoing priority for her. It emerged that this control stemmed from a belief that she felt fundamentally powerless and very scared of many aspects of life.
Holidays had always been a disaster for her. Removed from her everyday environment, on vacation she felt like a fish out of water, totally unable to control her surroundings, consequently feeling almost constant high anxiety.
She spoke of always having to wear a mask to hide her feelings, insecurities and fears from people and the world. At our initial meetings, her facial appearance portrayed her mask-like demeanour, expressionless and without sparkle. For years, she had kept her thoughts and feelings to herself. She had good friends, and a good relationship with a partner who loved her. She was a good friend to others, but she would never share any of her problems and worries with even her best friends.
Keeping all her fears, worries, sadness and insecurity inside herself was akin to the gradual build-up of pressure within a pressure cooker. She had been experiencing immense pressure inside herself, feeling at our first meeting that she was going to burst with the tension of it all.
She had suffered several significant losses in her life, for which she had not grieved. In keeping with her pattern of not wanting to feel her emotions, for years she had worked very hard at bypassing her own sadness and grief.
Consequently, there was a volcano of grief and emotion rumbling away under the surface within her.
Increasingly in our work, she began to risk feeling this grief and sadness. For the first time in years, she began to cry. Her expression of tears and grief reversed the long-held build-up of pressure within her. Her anxiety gradually and steadily reduced. She frequently noticed that in situations where she would previously feel considerable anxiety, she now felt calm and peaceful.
On a regular basis now, she communicates more openly with friends, about herself and her life. Through sharing real issues with her friends, she feels less alone, unburdened. By letting them become closer to her, she was enabling her friends to be real friends.
If major anxiety is a problem for you, gently reflect on whether you might be blocking the expression of emotion. There may be other explanations for your anxiety. But this issue is worth considering as one possible cause of recurring anxiety which seems to make no sense.
Dr Terry Lynch is a GP, psychotherapist and author of the book, Beyond Prozac