Author Jill Ruddock advises taking the fear out of menopause by embracing the topic, writes FIONA GARTLAND
‘MENOPAUSE? IT’S all ahead of you like s**t in a wheel barrow.”
This was a friend's comment when I mentioned I was reading Jill Ruddock's recently published book The Second Half of Your Life.It was followed by a description of how the texture of my thighs would transform from smooth to tapioca pudding overnight. "I'm just warning you, so you don't get a shock," she said.
A work colleague who’s almost out the far side of “the change” described it as one of the most emotionally challenging times of her life. And a woman in her 70s who spotted me reading the book on the Luas said I was better off not knowing. “You don’t want to dwell on it,” she said.
Billed as an inspiring game plan “to prepare and guide you to make the second half of your life the best half”, Ruddock’s book outlines what women can expect from the experience.
But do we really need to know which parts of our anatomy are going to shrivel up, which bits will be hiding under our armpits when we wake up in the mornings and from where precisely we will need to pluck hairs with a tweezers?
According to Ruddock, we do. “Menopause is the greatest secret, but knowledge is power,” she says, in a phone interview from her London home. “Nobody ever talked to me about menopause and I thought I was becoming a manic depressive. Women should make sure they know as much as they can.”
Married with two children, the American-born author was surprised aged 48 when her doctor told her she was only a few months from being post-menopausal. She had been suffering the symptoms in a knowledge vacuum.
In her book, she offers a 30-page “master class” on the menopause and its symptoms. It usually takes place some time between 40 and 58, she says. From beginning to end, it lasts on average five and a half years and it is officially finished 12 months and a day after a woman has had her last period.
For the rest of her life, a woman is post-menopausal, though for a while she may not be entirely symptom free. Getting through the peri-menopause, which leads up to the menopause when hormone levels begin to drop, presents lots of challenges.
Among the symptoms listed by Ruddock are hot flushes, sweating, unpredictable periods, floating anxiety, panic attacks, depression and heart palpitations. Irritability and moodiness are typically associated with the experience, but trouble sleeping, forgetfulness, weight gain, headaches and migraines, aching joints, breast tenderness and diminished sex drive also feature.
Ruddock says at least 75 per cent of women will experience some of those symptoms to a greater or lesser degree. She offers advice on how to cope with these, including advice on hormone replacement therapy and tips for dealing with weight gain using a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar. But she also focuses on life after menopause.
She is a great believer in the power of hormones and how they determine what we think and how we behave. That tendency women have to smooth over situations, for example, and keep families on track starts to disappear with the menopause.
“Oestrogen keeps women doing what they are supposed to do,” she says. So when the hormone disappears, along with changes in other hormones, a woman’s behaviour is bound to change.
“Life after menopause is perhaps the biggest change in an adult woman’s life. The hormonal rewiring of the brain is transformational. A woman begins to look outward to define who she is,” says Ruddock.
Inevitably, relationships change too. Ruddock is blunt about sex after menopause, contradicting other authors on the subject who equate it with resurgence in sex drive. The reality is, she says, that once the babies have been made or the time for making them has passed, the libido is reduced.
“A woman cannot expect to have the same sex drive she had in her 20s and 30s when she doesn’t have the hormones to create it,” she says.
But she is adamant that sex with a partner or husband should continue. Though his testosterone levels will have dropped too, he will still have a “much stronger sex drive” than she will. “There is an unevenness there and you both have to make the adjustment and figure it out,” she says.
She is also practical about marriage and acknowledges the increase in post-menopausal women who consider leaving marriages. In the UK, more than 50 per cent of divorces occur after the age of 45 and in America more than 60 per cent of divorces are initiated by women in their 40s, 50s and 60s.
But Ruddock advises women considering divorce to consider whether they would be better off saving their marriage. “Do you really want to give up all those years of friendship and shared history? If there is abuse or alcoholism or serial philandering okay, get out. But if you are married to a good man, stay with the programme. The grass is not greener,” she says.
For those who do find themselves single, Ruddock issues some old-fashioned dating advice, including that a woman should never ask a man out, shouldn’t pay on the first few dates and should never be too easily available. There are also some financial tips and advice for dealing with empty-nest syndrome.
She offers a “five-a-day” recipe to achieve a healthy and happy life after menopause. She recommends women stay connected to family and friends; cultivate a passion; find a purpose greater than themselves; exercise six days a week; and eat well.
She is very definite about the benefits of exercise and practises dynamic Pilates five days a week and plays tennis on the sixth day.
“It’s a two-for-one deal, you have mobility and stay strong, but exercise also increases the synapses in the brain, so it is great for brain health.”
The core message from Ruddock is that women should embrace the change and celebrate the second halves of their lives. In doing so, they will change the way the world views ageing.
“When old is synonymous with active, strong, vibrant, courageous, soulful, creative, talented, determined, connected and life-affirming . . . we will not fear the second half of our life, anymore than we did the first,” she says.
