Concerned family members can unwittingly delay an addict's recovery by covering up for them, according to singer and addiction counsellor, Frances Black, writes MARESE McDONAGH
FRANCES BLACK, who set up the Rise (Recovery in a Safe Environment) Foundation to support families who have been scarred by the addiction of a relative, says many people put their own lives on hold while trying to help an addict.
“Some people won’t go on holidays because they are afraid to leave maybe a mother or a child who is in addiction,” she explains.
“It affects every area of their lives, their career, relationships, their social life. They are always waiting for the dreaded phone call and this creates huge tension. It is soul destroying.”
Black believes that because of the stigma many relatives won’t seek help because they don’t want to “squeal” on the addict.
The performer set up the foundation in 2006 following a huge response from traumatised relatives after she spoke publicly about her own experience of alcoholism.
Rise runs an eight-week programme for family members, but Black plans to build a €1.5 million haven for relatives on Rathlin island, the birthplace of her father, Kevin, off the Antrim coast.
Recently shortlisted for a prestigious Social Entrepreneurs Ireland (SEI) award, she believes many family members carry scars, even after the addict is in recovery.
“We encourage the family not to enable the behaviour of the person in addiction, not to always be the one covering up, ringing the job on Monday morning with an excuse,” she says.
“It can be very hard to stop doing this because of the fear that the person will hit rock bottom faster. It is very hard for some loved ones to walk away.”
Black believes that protecting the person in addiction often becomes the loved one’s role in life to the extent that some relatives lose their own sense of self.
“It is as if the person in addiction is the addiction of their loved one because their lives have revolved around that person for so long”, she says.
“They are constantly focused on how the person is, where he is, what is he doing, is he in danger, does he need help. We ask them not to do that any more.”
And she warns that relatives who get into the habit of repeatedly covering up, perhaps because of the stigma of alcoholism, drug addiction or an eating disorder, can prolong the addictive behaviour.
Black was just 13 when she took her first drink and has been in recovery for many years. She says that, like many people, her perception of an alcoholic was someone who reached for a bottle of vodka first thing in the morning or someone on the street swigging from a bottle.
She got into the habit of having wine in the evenings when her small children were in bed and never dreamt that she was addicted.
“My drinking would have involved having a bottle of wine at night – or maybe a bottle and a half or two bottles some evenings – when my kids were in bed.”
Gradually she became concerned about the powerlessness she felt because of her drinking pattern. “ I decided I just wanted to cut down and, to be honest, I was shocked when I was assessed and told I was an alcoholic.”
Black left school at 15 “because the nuns had beaten it into me that I was stupid”, but returned to college in 2004 where she qualified as an addiction counsellor.
The performer says the main focus of the Rise Foundation is helping family members, although in a small number of cases the programme has jolted the addict into taking action.
One of her colleagues is Stephen Rowen, addiction specialist and former clinical director of the Rutland Centre, who lectures on the programme.
While most of the 100 or so participants to date have had their lives overshadowed by alcoholism, others have been affected by gambling, drugs and eating disorders.
“It has been estimated that one in 10 people in Ireland is an alcoholic and for every addict, four to six people are affected,” says Black.
“It is soul destroying to have to watch either a parent, a child or a partner destroy themselves. Studies in the US have established a high rate of stress-related cancer, heart disease and depression among the loved ones of addicts.”
One residential programme has already taken place on Rathlin island, which was a childhood holiday haven for the Black family. The guests stayed at the exclusive 18th century Manor House Hotel, which hit the headlines recently after declining to host lunch for Prince Edward and his wife Sophie who adjourned to the local pub instead.
Black says the programme participants who “have spent their lives as care givers” were themselves pampered and cared for in the luxurious surroundings.
She now hopes to raise €1.5 million to transform two Irish Lights cottages on the tip of the island and provide other facilities for people who need to recover from their loved one’s addiction.
The Rise Foundation is one of six organisations or individuals recently shortlisted for SEI awards because of their work driving social change. The three winners, who will share a total prize fund of €500,000, will be announced in October.
socialentrepreneurs.ie, therisefoundation.ie
