The much-anticipated Leaving Cert results are out tomorrow – for some there will be whoops of joy, but for others bitter disappointment, writes FIONOLA MEREDITH
TOMORROW, WEEKS of nervous anticipation will finally end as the Leaving Cert results come out. While for some young people, it will be a time to savour their success, for many others the results will be a bitter disappointment.
For both children and their parents, it can be a time of great uncertainty and stress, and the sense of failure can be particularly hard to bear. Leinster-based child and adolescent psychotherapist Colman Noctor finds that the two peak times in his practice are in the exam period itself, around May and June, and then again later in the year, after the results come out.
“The whole of school life is set up for the Leaving Cert, which places enormous pressure on young people,” says Noctor.
Nuala Smith, from Headstrong, the national centre for youth mental health, agrees that the sense of competition – and consequent feelings of rejection and failure if the results don’t come up to scratch – can be intense.
“There’s so much focus on achievement; it’s all so geared towards points. All the young people are asking each other – how many points did you get? For those who haven’t done so well, it leaves them feeling vulnerable. There’s a sense of their options closing down and, in their own minds, it can bring the value of the education they received into question.”
One person’s proud achievement can be another’s disappointment, and Noctor says that even those who have performed well by general standards can feel that they have let themselves or their family down. It’s all about self-perception. “I encounter young people who feel like failures because they got five As and two Bs, while their sibling got seven As. That’s still an exceptional result, but the perceived reality is that it’s just not enough,” says Noctor. “The higher the level of expectation, the higher the degree of disappointment if things don’t go as planned.”
So if they encounter a setback when the results are published, what can young people do to cope? Daire Ní Bhraoin, age 20, who works as a youth adviser to Headstrong, (see column page 6) says that the very first thing they should do is take a deep breath, resisting the hysteria around them. “When we got our results we were all hyperventilating, but you need a clear head.”
Experts say the best plan is to face up to the situation, however challenging that may be. British psychologist Tom Fawcett advises students to stave off disappointment by making a contingency plan immediately. “A typical emotional reaction to failure is a ‘can’t be bothered’ attitude. But if you deal with disappointment and act assertively in a difficult situation you can easily turn a negative into a positive.”
Fawcett says that the most important thing to remember is not to give up. “You need to be realistic and understand that an alternative course of action can sometimes work out for the best in the long term.”
As for parents, Noctor says that they can support their children by acknowledging the effort involved, emphasising that the outcome is secondary to their hard work. “If you feel your effort and application is valued, regardless of the result, you feel that people believe in you.”
Ní Bhraoin says young people can be ultra-sensitive to their parents’ reaction, and can take any negative responses to heart: “Sometimes parents don’t understand how much those little comments really mean.”
But failure itself can be a powerful motivator. Some of the most well-known success stories have their origins in early rejection or disappointment. Take Harry Potter author JK Rowling, for example. Addressing the Harvard Alumni Association, she claimed that she had failed “on an epic scale”. “An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless,” she said.
But that sense of utter failure spurred her on. “I began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”
Irish crime writer John Connolly says he approached 70 publishers and agents before he got a publishing deal, while romance queen Maeve Binchy accumulated 35 rejection slips. There are many more similar stories, from Harvard dropout Bill Gates to Albert Einstein and his woeful school reports.
Post-exam coping strategies
Reframe the situation: it’s not the end of the world, it’s an opportunity to assess your plans and take a different approach.
Make an action plan and carry it out.
Talk about the situation – both the practical and emotional aspects – with sympathetic friends and family.
Don’t take on other people’s disappointment: parental expectations may be high, but your own needs are important too
Never give up!
From tomorrow students and parents can contact The Irish Timesresults advice line, between 8am and 7pm, at 1800-946942.
