YOU MIGHT have thought that had been banned as public entertainments many centuries ago, but visit the House of Commons or, more conveniently, switch on your television, and you will see that the Conservative Party is doing everything in its power to keep these spectacles alive.
In one corner, the former prisons minister, Ms Ann Widdecombe, is champing at the bit, attempting to get her claws into her old boss, the former home secretary (and Tory leader ship contender), Mr Michael Howard, in the other corner, about allegations that he misled MPs over the sacking of a prisons' chief.
This very entertaining row has lasted longer than a good soap opera plot. Despite his undoubted skills as a barrister, Mr Howard has not helped himself or his leadership campaign by his insistence on using 10 words when a plain "yes or no would do. The spectacle of Mr Howard provoking Jeremy Paxman to ask the same question 14 times on Newsnight last week, and still refusing to answer it, will do nothing to alter his public image.
While Mr Howard ducks and dives, doing his best to resist the damaging body blows, the rest of the Tories are tearing themselves apart over the best way to elect their new leader. Accusations are flying and tempers have frayed, as the party suddenly wakes up to the fact that there is no charismatic, vote winning leader on the horizon.
Worse still they could be wandering around like headless chickens for years to come, if the right decision is not taken now, such is the immense power of the new Labour government's majority.
As Mr Anthony Beaumont Dark, the former Conservative MP for Selly Oak, ominously predicted this week, if they "make the wrong move now, I fear the Conservatives may not even end up as the official opposition in Parliament".
For years the political pundits have pinpointed every change in the Labour Party as it slowly reformed itself, ousting the Militaut Tendency and transforming itself into a modern electable machine. But everybody, including the Tories themselves, was so blinded by the fact that they had ruled Britain for 18 years they tailed to notice the Conservative Party was slowly disintegrating.
With the average age of the Tory faithful being a frisky 62, and the Young Conservatives, a group whose drunken exploits consistently enliven the party conference, disappearing without a trace, the prospects of party support growing are meagre to say the least.
Not surprisingly, the few willing to trust the 164 surviving Conservative MPs to choose their leader when so much is at stake.
"After a massive defeat the Conservative rump left at Westminster has become an undisciplined mob who think they are fit to decide the leadership of our party. I can tell them it's not on, because about 70 per cent of Conservatives are not represented by them, and if we are to climb back to being electable within 10 years our supporters in England, Scotland and Wales must have a say," argues Mr Beaumont Dark.
For the first time since the election disaster, the Tory party chairman, Dr Brian Mawhinney, has had to enter the fray and has surprised many by supporting this call for a change in the rules.
Although Dr Mawhinney's suggestion, that constituency party chairmen should be given a vote in the leadership election, is not exactly on a par with Labour's one member one vote, for the Tory faithful it certainly is a move in the right direction. "The new leader needs to have, and be seen to have, the unambiguous support of both the parliamentary and voluntary members of the party," hem urged.
Of the leadership contenders, only the former Welsh secretary, Mr William Hague, has embraced the idea that real changes are needed. Launching his campaign a fortnight ago against a purple backdrop (which Labour: successfully used in the last week of the election to evoke passion), Mr Hague even went so far as to praise Labour's modernisation skills.
To the horror of many diehard Tories, Mr Hague also suggested quietly that the Conservative Party might need to adopt such a ruthless determination to modernise itself.
Clearly enjoying its first few weeks of power, the Labour Party is determined to adopt a modern attitude to government. From now on it's the "Tony show", in Cabinet, with ministers calling each other by their first names rather than their formal titles. Under New Labour the 15 year old television show Yes, Prime Minister, looks truly dated. "Yes, Tony," is the norm.
On Tuesday night the Chancellor, Mr Gordon Brown, shocked the City again by wearing a red tie and lounge suit to a blacktie dinner. His determination to end this "stuffy convention" left many City brokers at the annual dinner of the Confederation of British Industry with something of a dilemma - what to wear. Should they cast aside their penguin suits and embrace New Labour or put two fingers up to Mr Brown by donning their bow ties?