The Fine Gael leader knows a firm election footing is the safest option with so many loose planks in the Dáil
DID ENDA do a Fás course over the summer? He’s obsessed by scaffolding. He started talking about it on Wednesday and was at it again yesterday afternoon.
“The scaffolding is still collapsing around Leinster House,” he informed a baffled press corps. Are they doing a bit of repointing in Kildare Street, we wondered.
“From talking to Independent deputies, they don’t want be under that scaffolding when it falls,” quivered Inda, as the slack-jawed reporters nodded blankly. Well, no, you wouldn’t, would you? It would be very dangerous.
And as we reported yesterday, he sidled over in the bar on Wednesday and, with a knowing look in his eye, imparted the following nugget: “I sense the scaffolding may be coming down.”
We thought that maybe Fionnuala was getting a bit of an extension done back in Castlebar. Life can be stressful when the builders are in, so we could understand why Inda sounded relieved.
After he wrapped up this year’s annual think-in with a final press conference, Kenny announced he was going off to visit Whitegate oil refinery. He looked very excited – loads of scaffolding to inspect, one expects.
So while the party leader departed in the best of high spirits, he left the rest of us behind wondering whether we should ring the likes of Michael Lowry and Noel Grealish and warn them they could be knocked unconscious by a falling plank if they go anywhere near the Dáil.
It is mildly reassuring to know that Enda learned on the Fás course that a “firm footing” or a “general election footing” is the best way to avoid scaffold-related incidents.
As a result, he has them persecuted in Fine Gael. Anytime he sees a temporary structure surrounding a building, he roars “general election footing!” and all the deputies and Senators have to pretend to be friends again. Just in case the scaffold around the Government might fall. Enda is of the view that it is extremely rickety and could go at any moment.
This getting along famously lark is difficult for some of them, but they’re muddling though somehow.
Rarely does the mask slip – although at one stage during the festivities on Wednesday night at Faithlegg House Hotel we overheard some of those who supported the failed heave against Enda ruefully referring to themselves as “The Disappeared”.
Most of The Disappeared got out of Dodge as soon as was decently possible yesterday morning. Although to be fair to them, there were no outward displays of petulance or resentment over the two days.
The general air of conviviality rather marred the occasion for the media. So too did the generosity of the hosts, who put up a fine dinner on Wednesday night followed by a very agreeable luncheon yesterday. In fact they were so nice to the members of the press that some journalists were unnerved by the experience.
Never mind. The Fianna Fáil “slink-in” begins next Monday, where FF will doubtless continue its policy of recent years and treat the media like something that came in on the soles of their shoes. It’s good to be despised.
But back in lovely Faithlegg, where some deputies and Senators sneaked off to play golf for the morning; it was “very positive” and “very constructive”. Very PC, in other words.
Apart from Michael Somers, formerly of the NTMA, who addressed the meeting yesterday morning, and finance spokesman Michael Noonan, who was the life and soul of our little party, one of the highlights of the occasion was deputy James “Bonkers” Bannon’s jeans. “Tommy Hilfiger,” said Senator Nicky McFadden, clearly impressed. Then someone told us that James had “at least 400 acres”. We don’t know if this is true, but it leads us to believe that his jeans may have been Tommy Hillfarmer’s.
James, who is expected to win his Dáil seat comfortably in Longford/Westmeath in the next election, was seated at the top table with Enda during dinner. Might a ministry be in prospect?
Given that the think-in never descended into a thump-in, the only bit of aggression came yesterday when Enda called Eamon Gilmore outside for a fight. He declared that he wasn’t afraid to debate the Labour leader, or anyone else for that matter, on live television during the election campaign.
If the worst come to the worst, he could hit him with a scaffolding pole. Speaking of which, here he goes again: Independent deputies “will not want to be on the scaffold of Government when it collapses”.
Fine Gael, on the other hand, appears to be holding up very well, if the evidence of a laid-back 48 hours in Waterford is anything to go by.