Men have a pragmatic view of relationships, favouring traditional families but also prenuptial agreements
TODAY'S ANALYSIS of the Irish Times/Behaviour Attitudes Men Today Poll looks at the whole area of relationships and sex, and the extent to which men are coping with the sociological changes of the last 10-20 years.
As a scene-setter, seven in 10 males claim to be either married or in a long-term relationship. Of these, just over one in 10 claim to have had another sexual relationship while they were still with their current partner, although it should be pointed out that this figure is significantly higher among those aged between 18-34 years, many of whom are presumably unmarried, and perhaps not as committed as their wedded counterparts.
In other words, our poll has revealed that, of the 1.7 million males in Ireland today, just under 1.2 million are quite well settled in a long-standing relationship, for better or for worse.
Incidentally, the average male feels that 29 is the ideal age for a man to become married, with 32 the best age to have a first child.
By all accounts, mens' wives/girlfriends/partners rank as being extremely important to them in their lives in general. In fact, of 22 life aspects rated, wife/girlfriend emerged as the fourth most important, with only financial independence, being able to look after yourself and leisure time being rated higher.
Which is not to say that the average male has an over-romanticised view of his relationship. Indeed, over three quarters of all men, rising to almost 90 per cent of all those aged 18-44 years, feel it is a good idea for couples to live together for a period of time before they decide to marry.
The pragmatism of today's male regarding relationships is even more starkly revealed by the fact that 45 per cent of all men believe that everyone getting married nowadays should consider entering into a prenuptial agreement. Only 34 per cent actually disagree with this sentiment, with the balance (21 per cent) unsure.
Once in an established relationship, the poll reveals some interesting findings concerning the type of relationship favoured by men.
As Figure I illustrates, men do feel that more flexible working conditions should be introduced whereby they can become more involved in childcare and household work. This desire by males for greater involvement in the running of the family extends to their views of the role of single fathers today.
Thus, the vast majority of men feel that single fathers should have the very same rights in relation to their children as single mothers do.
In demanding such rights, presumably men are indicating that single fathers should also share responsibility with the children's mother in raising them. Underpinning these views regarding the desired role of the man within the family unit is a fundamental desire of men that children should be brought up in a household with both a mother and a father. This more "traditional" stance is consistent across all age groups from 25 years up, as Table I illustrates.
In addition to the questions relating to their own personal relationships, the survey respondents were also asked their views of sexual norms across society in general.
Perhaps not surprisingly, men feel that, compared to 20 years ago, attitudes towards sex in Ireland are more liberal (92 per cent of all men).
Interestingly though, not all males believe this is necessarily a good thing. In fact, just half of all men feel sexual liberation has been a positive force in Irish society, with the great majority of these of the opinion that both men and women have benefited in equal measure in this regard.
By definition, however, the other half are either unsure as to the benefits of freer sex, or
believe it is a negative societal force.
A clue to what may be driving this somewhat muted response to sexual liberation can be gleaned from the finding that six in 10 of all Irish males, across all age groups, feel that young men are under a great deal of pressure to be sexually active at too young an age.
Perhaps related to this last finding, we also find that men appear to be under considerable pressure to project a certain external image to those around them.
Thus, grooming and body image emerge as being of considerable importance to men in general, with over 60 per cent acknowledging that how others see them matters; almost 8 in 10 identify personal care (skin/hair) as of importance to them; and 41 per cent go so far as to say that fashion is very much important to them in their everyday lives.
All in all, therefore, the Irish male reveals quite an orthodox view of the worth and power of personal relationships in their lives.
When the chips are down, the majority of men will turn to their partner/spouse for emotional comfort and reassurance (see Figure II). Compare this with the insignificant proportion (14 per cent) seeking solace from the Catholic Church.
The fact that the great majority of men, regardless of age, have had just three sexual partners in total over the course of their lives, and that only 7 per cent reject the notion of long-term monogamy within a relationship, is further evidence of the sanctity of relationships for them.
If anything, today's Irish male wishes to be more, rather than less, involved in the raising of his family, to the extent that he would like to see more flexible working legislation introduced to allow him do so.
This may be somewhat at odds with the prevailing view of men today, and of their willingness to live up to their responsibilities - signs perhaps that we, as a species, have finally grown up!
• Ian McShane is managing director of Behaviour Attitudes