Monica Lewinsky blames herself for the shaming of President Clinton and has been on the brink of suicide, according to a report from the US.
She is said to have told a friend: "I've destroyed the man I loved. Tell Bill I'm sorry, so sorry."
Friends and family of the 25year-old former White House trainee are said to be worried about her mood of gloom.
They are said to have mounted a 24-hour suicide watch to make sure Ms Lewinsky does not harm herself.
According to the report in the National Enquirer, Ms Lewinsky is full of loathing for herself.
She views her life as a mistake to the point of scrawling "I'm a mistake" in red lipstick on her bathroom mirror.
Her life now consists of eating junk food and watching soap operas on television.
Late at night she is said to ring up the White House, but puts the phone down when someone answers.
A close friend told Ms Lewinsky she sounded as if she was going crazy. Ms Lewinsky replied: "I'm not going crazy, I am crazy. The whole mess has made me crazy. I never ever thought it would come to this. I'm starting to feel my life isn't worth living. If I have to spend the rest of my life like this, I don't want to live any more."
Another friend told the magazine: "Then, when she went before the grand jury, she felt she was putting the final nail into her lover's coffin. She had nothing to live for."
Another friend added: "All she does when she's not crying is sit around watching soap operas and eat junk food.
"She blames herself for agreeing to give testimony to a grand jury that could eventually bring down the President."
A further friend said: "When she appears in public, she almost always has a fixed smile on her face. But the people who know her best understand that's just a mask."