"CULTURALLY we live in a world where violence is more obvious. In fact it is very hard to get away from, and children are constantly exposed to it," says Peter Keeran, director of voluntary counselling at St Catherine's community service centre in Carlow.

"There isn't a definitive argument on whether violent computer games, videos and TV programmes cause children to behave aggressively, but I would have seen an increase in aggressive behaviour among children over the years and certainly an increase is being reported by parents and teachers.

This ongoing exposure to violence does, however, appear to cause anxiety among children. "Children become anxious just hearing about atrocities," says Marie Murray, principal clinical psychologist at St Joseph's adolescent centre, Dublin.

"They arc more anxious about what they see and hear than adults often realise. In clinical settings, youngsters express a lot of fear about danger - and much of their fear is influenced by the news or scenes they have watched in films.

"It is possible more vulnerable youngsters will re enact violent scenes, but all children will make up games based on TV programmes. They will try various models of behaviour, both good and bad. They need someone to explain to them what is going on, to talk to them about frightening events they hear about, reassure them explain what are appropriate ways of behaving."

It is equally important to watch the models of behaviour parents themselves present to children when difficulties arise. "Often the way we solve our problems is through power play," Keeran says. "Children are excellent observers, but not excellent interpreters.

"If the example they see amounts to use any means at your disposal to overcome a problem', that is how they will try to solve problems themselves."

Keeran continues: "Whether it is parent to parent or between the parents and children, aggression is an ineffective way of solving an issue of difference.

"You might achieve compliance based on fear by shouting someone down, but once the immediate threat is removed, nothing will have changed and all the children will have learned is how to abuse power."

Murray agrees. "Children who are dealt with harshly learn to cope with their world in the same way - and they soon come to the conclusion that might is right," Murray says. "But hitting or shouting down children doesn't explain anything to them."

However, no amount of thought and care can ensure that problems don't arise. "Pointing the finger and blaming parents when things go wrong is just another form of aggressive behaviour and it doesn't solve anything," Murray says.

According to Keeran, "parents are up against very difficult odds nowadays. I grew up in a world where there where certain rules and things were much clearer. There was a code supported by society, it had its price, but we had a certain security which no longer exists.

"The mere wealth of literature on parenting suggests parents have lost confidence in what they should be doing. We find it hard to know how to distinguish between right and wrong ourselves, never mind what to teach children."

PARENTS OFTEN worry that raising children who adopt a more peaceful approach to problem solving might make them vulnerable with more aggressive children.

"Along the continuum from passive to aggressive, there is a middle point which is assertive. That is what parents should help their children strive towards," Keeran says.

Murray says there is no point teaching a child to fight back. "Fostering self esteem is the most powerful weapon you can give a child," she says.

"Children who have confidence in themselves won't show fearfulness and will rarely get picked on. They will be able to stand up for themselves and walk away from a violent situation.

"It is important to be aware of what is going on in your children's lives - and it is important to know what is going on in your own life," she adds. Let children talk about violent incidents on television or even at school.

"Watch how you are reacting to situations yourself, and if you feel you are being more aggressive than you would like to be, see if you can find some support. We all need support, and being able to acknowledge this is a strength."