Noreen Brennan Donoghue is a mature student in general nursing at Galway-Mayo Institute of Technology in Castlebar, Co Mayo. This is her last diary.
There are times when I experience a sense of unreality at the direction my life has taken over the last few months. Next week we will do our Christmas exams. Feelings I have not had in years are crowding into my life, feelings of fear and anxiety about the unknown.
I always thought that if I were ever faced with an exam situation again, I would be wise enough and old enough to put things into perspective. But all my sound thinking has flown and I am left with my inadequacies. They are as intact today as they were when I last sat an examination. Still, I comfort myself that the race is not always to the swift or the battle to the strong.
I felt very alone in the last couple of weeks since my friend died. It's hard to deal with grief in a roomful of people one has only known a short time. It's harder still to know she is there no more.
We talked about this many times and she made me promise I would not be sad, but I am sure she will forgive me for my failure to honour this one. Sometimes it's all a bit much.
I did ordinary things at the weekend. I gave the house a spring clean in time for the winter solstice. I went to church with my children. I made Christmas cakes and puddings. I took out my telescope and viewed a brilliantly clear sky as the moon rose in the east.
It is an optical illusion when the moon appears bigger as it rises over the horizon, a perfect example of how our sense of sight can deceive us. The planets, Mars, Jupiter with its four moons and Saturn were all visible. Saturn with its rings tipped towards the earth is brightest. The experts can now tell us that the star of Bethlehem was in fact the planet Jupiter.
They are some sight to behold, and doing ordinary things gave me back a little of the life I once had. My son was home from college with some of his friends - he is in second year at Sligo IT. They were all interested in my return to college and had some sound advice for me.
Ba mhaith liom mo bhu∅ochas a ghabhβil leis na chail∅n∅ sa ghr·pa, Breege, Emer, Elena, Maura agus Caroline a chabhraigh is a thacaigh liom ≤ thosaigh mΘ ar an gc·rsa seo. I would also like to say go raibh maith agaibh, le A∅ne agus Ivan, san AIB.
Christmas is nearly here again. This time last year, I had not even thought of changing my life or my job. I cannot say yet whether I was right or wrong. The road is long and I have only started my journey. The middle and final chapters, well, sin scΘal eile.
We are having our Christmas party tomorrow night. Well done to Barry, Eoghan and Deirdre, our class reps, for all their hard work.
New challenges await the nursing class of 2001 in the new year. We are going on our first clinical placements in January, but first we have our examinations, then Christmas, then two weeks of skills training.
Gu∅m rath agus sonas oraibh go lΘir.
