Research shows that most Irish fathers are content. But others believethe system has turned inexorably against them. They say a gift this Sundayis the best they can hope for, writes Louise Holden.

He is under-researched, ignored by the law and sidelined by the State. He is caricatured by the media and muted by the courts. The Irish father is central to most of our lives, but officially he barely exists.

As separation and divorce have become commonplace, legislation to protect splintered families has increasingly favoured the mother. Fatherhood has become more precarious with every judgment of the family court. A father's relationship with his children is defined by his relationship with their mother. An unmarried father has no guardianship rights to his children whatsoever. On paper, the Irish father is disappearing.

The process has accompanied a rapid erosion of the traditional status of the father in family life. "Many fathers in Ireland have lived through a period in which their power in the family and their status in society have collapsed," says the author of a report on fatherhood in Ireland due to be published later this year. Professor Gabriel Kiely, head of the department of social policy and social work at University College Dublin, has reviewed the admittedly thin layer of research relating to fatherhood in this country. He has concluded that Irish fathers must write new roles for themselves or risk being left with no officially defined role at all.

The role of the father in Ireland has changed radically over the past 30 years. Head of household, provider, protector, disciplinarian, even procreator: all of these responsibilities have been reassigned to the mother or to the State. "Headship is no longer vested in the father," says Kiely. "Procreation, as a result of contraception, abortion and artificial insemination, can now be controlled by women. With the advent of the welfare state and the increased participation of mothers in the labour force, fathers are no longer the exclusive providers."

Children are not defined by who their parents are: having their father's name is not nearly as important as having a good education, which is now, theoretically, a universal gift. And rather than validating the role of the father as protector, the law today is constructed to protect children from their fathers.

When mothers and fathers are locked in competition for custody, the mother prevails in a system anchored to traditional notions of nurturing mothers and providing fathers. "When this adversarial approach is combined with gender bias towards women in the law and the prevailing ideology of motherhood, it is easy to see why fathers do not fare so well," Kiely concludes. "Some of this gender bias can be attributed to the Constitution, which prescribes the woman's role as within the family while also basing family life on married life."

Separated or divorced fathers can be made to disappear from the family unit, as they have very little State protection. To obtain substantive access to their children, divorced or separated fathers must provide maintenance, suitable accommodation and stable conditions in which children can be entertained. Yet as single men they are at the bottom of housing lists and relegated by the welfare system.Unmarried fathers have no rights. Under the law they might as well be strangers to their children.

The first step in getting fatherhood back on the statutory map, says Kiely, is to build a body of research on Irish fatherhood. Irish research on the family has focused almost exclusively on mothers and children. One in three Irish children is born out of wedlock, therefore one in three new Irish dads could be single fathers in the sense that they do not live with their children. Yet we know almost nothing of this group. There are no official statistics on single fathers. No national survey, from the Census to the quarterly household survey, includes data on single fathers. We are not even sure how many there are, never mind how they feel, what they want or what they believe their roles to be.

Even for the majority of fathers who live with their children, it's hard to find a clear definition of what fatherhood means. It's even harder for fathers to assume new roles. The law, the State and popular culture have given women permission to redefine themselves. Men have not yet been afforded the same freedom. The debate about fatherhood taking place on television, through fictional depictions of fathers and in pub talk is awash with contradictions, the likes of which do not dog our understanding of mothers.

There is no official definition of the father. Are fathers supposed to be authoritative, absent, providing, detached, caring? When the "New Age father" is depicted in the media he remains in inverted commas. We are no more comfortable with this manifestation of fatherhood than with the detached authoritarian figure of old.

"The 'New Age father' has been on the horizon for 20 years, but he has yet to make an appearance," says Kiely. "What people believe to be 'new-age fathering' is in fact just young fathering, in my experience. As the years go by and more children arrive, many men withdraw from the family." The reasons for this withdrawal are manifold, but work still keeps Dad out of the picture. European fathers work an average of four hours a week more than men who are not fathers and about 10 hours a week more than mothers who work full time outside the home.

"Right across the world we are in a major period of transition where male parenting is concerned," says Kiely. "Public policy gives us no guidelines as to who the father is, except in relation to how much maintenance he pays. There is no consideration of a father's needs. He has lost his role in Ireland very fast but has been slow in finding a new place in the family."

If the father's place in the family is not enshrined in law, in the Constitution, in State documentation or anywhere else, then he needs to forge a new identity. But much as modern work structures make mothering awkward, modern parenting structures make fathering awkward. How is a working father meant to take his child for check-ups if the public health clinic is open only until 4 p.m.? How is he supposed to stay abreast of his child's education if parent-teacher meetings are scheduled for 1.30 p.m.? If he's not married to the mother of his children, he's not entitled to attend health screenings or teacher meetings even if he can find the time.

So fatherhood in Ireland is quite a challenge. Fathers in homes around the country are presumably finding their own "definitions" within their families without the help of the State or the research fraternity. Nobody is disputing the value fathers bring to the upbringing of Irish children. But if they want a record of it, they'd better file those Father's Day cards under Proof of Paternity.

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No way out? How stress can take its toll

Ray Kelly, head of the Unmarried Fathers' Association, says dozens of the organisation's members have tried to take their own lives. He says he was almost driven to suicide himself during a protracted battle to gain access to his children. "As an Irish unmarried father I am discriminated against by Church and State, fleeced by solicitors and barristers, and my voice is not heard on any task force or think tank in the country," he says resignedly.

The group represents all fathers who do not live with their children, whether married, unmarried, legally separated or divorced.

Non-resident fatherhood can be stressful, with many men trading their economic freedom in order to gain two or three hours a week with their children.

Kelly describes legions of Irish men living with their parents, trying to raise the money they need to maintain their relationships with their own kids.

"It's a depressing situation for many men. They lose everything in separation. They return to their family homes, where they can have no sexual relationship or meaningful adult life. They are at the bottom of the housing list and pushed out of their children's lives."

Kelly believes men have poorer coping skills than women and so find the reality of estranged fatherhood very hard to deal with. Many give up. A 1991 study found that five years after separation 40 per cent of non-resident fathers had lost contact with their children. In recent years there has

been an increased emphasis on the need for absent fathers to contribute to their children's lives, but that contribution is measured only in economic terms. Little or no attention has been paid to the need for fathers to have an emotional investment in their children. Access hours are restrictive and, outside the "bought time" that maintenance affords, fathers are often completely excluded from their children's lives.

"There are no policies on housing or social welfare for single fathers. We're not entitled to get involved in our children's education or health. We have to go to court for guardianship and prove in a matter of hours that we can be good parents - an impossible task."

Kelly says he has noticed a pattern. Fathers in the home can make the mistake of believing that being a good father is about paying the mortgage. "When you're locked out of the family and all that is required of you is to hand over a cheque each month, it's then you realise what being a father is really about."

On Saturday the Unmarried Fathers Association is due to hold its annual Father's Day protest, on O'Connell Bridge in Dublin. The event is never held on a Sunday, because that's access day for most of the association's members. Kelly says he hopes Ireland's most prominent non-resident father - the Taoiseach, Bertie Ahern - might make an appearance.