Discovering your partner or father or brother or grandfather is a paedophilecan be devastating. The shockwaves can reach far beyond the offender andtheir victims. Innocent members of the offender's family often feel tarredwith the same brush and whole families can find themselves shunned andpunished for a crime they did not commit, writes Kathyrn Holmquist

You are a child whose father is, in your eyes, loving, loyal and kind. Then you discover that he is a paedophile. He has been arrested, charged and a court case has followed. The media won't leave you alone. You have become one of the many Irish families who have experienced this trauma.

Your world is turned upside down. For the wife or partner of the offender, the shock is just as great. What do you say to your children? How do you explain their father's behaviour?

"It is hell on earth. There is no other way I can describe it," says Marie Keenan, of UCD's Department of Social Policy and Social Work. Keenan is a sociologist and a psychotherapist specialising in working with sex offenders and their families.

When the family first discovers the offence, there is immediate shock, a sense of disbelief and anger and confusion at the breach of trust, says Keenan. The grieving process is similar to that which follows a death. Soon after, the questions start. "Do I really know this man?" the wife or partner, son or daughter, is likely to ask..

As the dust settles, many female partners feel guilt by association.

Women may ask: "Why didn't I notice? Is there something I should have seen? Was I compliant in some way? What was wrong in our relationship that he needed to do this? Does that make it my fault?"

A woman lives with her husband's convictions as if they have been sentenced themselves. They tell themselves that they lacked something. If they had been good wives and partners, why would their men have turned to sex offending? It's an irrational response, but it is based on a deep feeling that the person you thought you knew, was actually a stranger.

Marriages break up - not just the marriages of the offender and his wife or partner, but also the marriages of the couple's grown children, which means that grandchildren are affected as well.

In-laws are also affected. Women married to the sons of men who have been convicted of paedophile sex offences may withdraw emotionally and sexually, leading to the breakdown of their marriages.

Children of sex offenders question their own sexuality and fear that they may have inherited their father's perversions. Intelligent, sensitive young men sit with Keenan and confess that that fear they may have a gene for abusing children. Sons of the man tend to feel such guilt by association, that they may break down, quit their jobs, leave their marriages or break-up with their girlfriends.

The adult siblings of the offender are affected as well. The brothers of convicted paedophiles may resign their jobs, fearing that the family name alone is enough to bring their employers into disrepute.

For the immediate family, the question of whether to continue living with the paedophile, or throw him out, is obviously a major issue. Life for the convicted paedophile isn't easy, nor should it be, but the effects on his family are, in many ways, worse. He cannot find work, he is shunned by the community, he has brought the entire family into disrepute, even though they do not deserve it.

Some families, says Keenan, have even erected walls within their houses so that the sex offender has a separate life and a separate entrance. They haven't the heart to put him out, but they cannot live with him either.

There is the financial cost as well, since sex offenders cannot even get work as cleaners, Keenan points out. The family may lose their home, the children may miss out on university, their social lives are tarnished.

Often, paedophiles leave Ireland and go to Britain, where they try to build new lives. "It's an Irish solution to an Irish problem - exporting paedophiles," Keenan says.

Extended families too, may feel forced to leave the country and start new lives abroad, so insidious has the family name become.

The victimisation caused by the sex offender extends far beyond the victim or victims of his crime, into the world of his family who may justifiably feel that their lives are ruined forever.

Public outcry can be so intense, that families feel shunned - even though they do not deserve to be, since it is one individual, not the entire family, that has sinned.

While we are correct to encourage the apprehension of sex offenders, and to demand just punishment, we need to also remember that the families do not deserve to be punished. We need to examine our attitudes towards them.

For help on this issue, call Open Line, a support group for families of sex offenders, on 086 1683850