The Khmer Rouge's chief torturer and jailer expressed "excruciating remorse" today for more than 14,000 people killed under his watch at a notorious prison during Cambodia's ultra-Maoist revolution of the 1970s.
In the final week of testimony for the first senior Khmer Rouge cadre to face the UN-backed "Killing Fields" tribunal, Kaing Guek Eav, better known as Duch, said he was solely liable for the killings but that he served a "criminal organisation".
"I found I had ended up serving a criminal organisation which destroyed its own people in outrageous fashion. I could not withdraw from it," said the 67-year-old former maths teacher. "I was like a screw in the machinery of a car that could not be removed," he added.
Duch is accused of "crimes against humanity, enslavement, torture, sexual abuses and other inhumane acts" as commander of S-21 prison when the Khmer Rouge ruled from 1975-79 under Pol Pot.
He said he was convinced he was fighting to free Cambodia from US imperialism during the Vietnam War. He has denied personally killing or torturing prisoners and has repeatedly said he was following orders out of fear for his own life.
Karim Khan, a civil party lawyer, urged the tribunal's five-judge panel this week to reject Duch's assertion that he had little choice but to carry out orders, saying Duch was "ideologically of the same mind" as the Khmer Rouge leaders.
The tribunal seeks justice for 1.7 million people, nearly a quarter of Cambodia's population, who perished from execution, overwork or torture during the Khmer Rouge's agrarian revolution.
"I am deeply remorseful of and profoundly affected by this destruction," he said. "I am solely and individually liable for the loss of at least 12,380 lives. I forever wish to most respectfully and humbly apologise for the deaths."
Researchers say that number is inaccurate and more than 14,000 were killed after passing through S-21, also known as Tuol Sleng. Only seven people survived.
Duch faces up to life in prison if convicted. A prosecutor said last week Duch should get 40 years in prison for his role.
Now a born-again Christian, Duch has in the past expressed remorse for the S-21 victims, most of them tortured and forced to confess to spying and other crimes before they were bludgeoned to death at the "Killing Fields" execution sites.
But he appeared to take this further today, speaking of his remorse and telling a court packed with about 600 people, including some survivors of the regime, that he would seek help to be recognised again as "part of humankind".
"I am psychologically accountable to the entire Cambodian population for the souls of these who perished," he said.
"May I plead with you to allow me to share with you my immense and enduring sorrow ... in order to express my most excruciating remorse."
Prosecution lawyers say Duch had broad autonomy and did nothing to stop prison guards from inflicting rampant torture. Witnesses in 72 days of hearings spoke of beatings with metal pipes, electrocution, near-starvation, violent rape and forcing some prisoners to eat their own excrement.
A verdict is expected by March.
Reuters