The Greens have done a complete about-turn and embraced genetic modification on a grand scale
THE GREENS have embraced the concept of genetic modification, and with remarkable results.
That’s a turn-up for the books.
The party doesn’t do things by half measure. Their conversion isn’t down to some namby-pamby tinkering on the fringes of the allotment, or attempts to grow a pig from quorn.
John Gormley, Eamon Ryan and their ecologically motivated Frankensteins have only gone and engineered a change to the basic genetic make-up of the Irish people.
Using a secret procedure (which has been fully approved by their frightened partners in Government because they fear an agonising political death if they don’t), the party has succeeded in removing the cute hoor/fast buck gene from the national herd.
“We’ve actually taken away that whole speculative impulse,” Eamon Ryan announced at a press conference yesterday.
Thanks to new legislative engineering to be introduced by the Greens in the “post Nama period”, profit-driven land hoarders will lose their amoral desire to squeeze as much cash as they possibly can from hard- pressed fellow citizens.
The Greens – Eamon says it should have been done 30 years ago – think they have discovered the formula that will curb the baser instincts of the Irish wheeler dealer.
They will neuter the loophole merchants before they become swashbuckling entrepreneurs and beggar another generation. They will temper the national tendency towards greed.
Their windfall tax will make us good people. And net a Nobel Prize for John and Eamon.
If it works, it will be a stunning triumph for the science of genetic modification. The speculative impulse is deeply ingrained and for some, impossible to resist.
Having a ball with somebody else’s money is a major symptom of the speculative impulse. That, and lack of shame.
Again, the Greens were ahead of the curve yesterday in this regard. Following further revelations of lavish overspending in the State training agency Fás, party leader Gormley said the board of directors should resign.
This was in contrast to the Taoiseach, who shrugged his shoulders and said they were due to be replaced shortly anyway so why cause a fuss, while his Tánaiste said she would accept their resignations, if they were of a mind to go.
Was this, perhaps, evidence of a rift between Gormley and Cowen? One man looking for resignations, the other a noncommittal step behind.
In light of the Government’s abject standing with the electorate, Gormley was asked: “How satisfied are you with Brian Cowen’s leadership style?”
The reply was baffling in one way, but perhaps, rather telling in another.
“I think personalising it is not good. I mean, I find that some of the questioning can be quite intrusive. I don’t like that. I don’t like the way that a person can be pushed in that way and, you know, intruding into somebody’s personal life and some of the questioning I find, I don’t like it, but you know, it’s up to the media and if they want to go down that particular route, it’s up to them.”
When the question was put a second time, he said he has “a perfectly good relationship with the Taoiseach.”
But in his first answer, Gormley appeared to be indicating that the Taoiseach might not be coping well with the media’s fascination with his personality and delving into his personal life.
Still on the subject of speculative impulses, and the modification of same, the subject of the expenses regime in Leinster House was also given an airing.
John thinks it should be overhauled. “I also believe that it will be one of the items that will be up for review in our programme for government.”
They’re all in favour of doing something about their expenses down Leinster House way, but it’s a very slow process. And a bit embarrassing to have to discuss it in public, like they were ordinary folk. They’ll just have to take their time with it.
Meanwhile, as the Greens patted themselves on the back for having such a major influence on the Nama legislation, a large group of farmers protested outside over cuts in the sector.
“On your bike!” they roared at party members when they appeared, reserving the loudest abuse for Minister for Food Trevor Sargent.
“Ye’re lookin’ at bicycle sheds in Dublin and light bulbs, but you’ve abandoned rural Ireland. Ye should be ashamed of yourselves!”
A large number of gardaí arrived at the hotel doors, but the protest went the usual way of farmers’ demonstrations.
There was a lot of noise, a demand to be met by the most senior political person present, protests about being snubbed, an eventual meeting, a bit of banter with the gardaí outside, distribution of leaflets, the arrival of the ham sangwitches followed by tea and orderly dispersal.
It’ll be noisy for the Greens again today, when proceedings switch to the Sheraton Hotel in Athlone for a party discussion on Nama.