Court told man (84) was having affairs as wife seeks protection order

A District Court judge has granted a domestic violence protection order to an 81-year-old woman against her 84-year-old husband, whom she claimed was having extra-marital affairs.

The order was granted ex-parte, with one side appearing only, at a District Court in a rural town yesterday.

In a statement prepared for court, the woman said she had suffered mental torture and abuse for years and her husband persistently undermined her throughout her married life.

They became separated 18 months ago, and were no longer living together, though he was still living in the grounds of the property. She said she was particularly concerned at his behaviour since she began separation proceedings against him.

She was “afraid to go to the shop or Church” in case she met him or “his lady friends”, with whom he had extra-marital affairs.

“He’s hardly having extra-marital affairs at 84?” the judge asked.

“Several,” the woman replied.

The judge asked the elderly woman if she was frightened of her husband. She said she was.

He granted the order, which requires the husband not to use violence or threaten to use violence or put his wife in fear. He advised the woman to phone gardaí if there was any trouble and set a date for hearing in April.

In another case involving domestic violence, the judge reluctantly lifted a barring order against a man who had allegations of rape and assault made against him.

His girlfriend, with whom he had a baby, gave evidence that she wanted the order lifted. She had applied for it after complaining her boyfriend had raped and physically assaulted her sister, and tried to sexually assault her other sister. A file had gone to the Director of Public Prosecutions on the matter and the man had denied the allegations, the court heard.

The mother said she and her baby were now living with her boyfriend’s mother, who was “brilliant”, and she was estranged from her own mother and sisters. They had a “falling out” and she no longer believed the allegations made by her sisters. She said she got the barring order under pressure from her own family and now her boyfriend could not visit his own mother because of it.

Her solicitor said she was adamant the order should be lifted. “You want to get back with [BOYFRIEND], isn’t that right?” the judge said.

“Yes, but it’s going to be a long process … the social worker said there is stuff he’ll have to do, like go to counselling,” the young woman said. She said her boyfriend suffered from depression.

“Has he ever hit you in the past?” the judge asked.

“Just kind of shoved me,” the woman said.

The judge asked her how she would feel if it turned out that the allegations against her boyfriend were true.

“I don’t want to think about that,” the woman replied, in tears.

The judge said it was a serious case, but he was legally bound to lift the barring order, and he did so “with a certain trepidation”. He warned the woman to “be prepared for the worst news” and told her she was welcome to come back to court at any time.

In another case, a mother complained that the father of her child refused to "spoon-feed" their baby, a seven-month old, during access and would only give her bottles. She also said members of his family had been posting negative comments on Facebook.

The judge told the man he must "follow the mother's routine" and warned he would remove access if comments were posted online. "Don't be depending on Mark Zuckerberg to help you," he said.