Adam Smith died in an accident at home just before his third birthday. His parents Sinead and Franand older brother Emmet were devastated. Sinead tells the story of her loss and the importance of bereavement counselling for the family following the death 18 months ago.
"It was a Sunday morning and I had left home to fund-raise for the scouts. Fran was at home with the two boys Adam and Emmet (6). He was in our room watching television. Adam went into his room and was pulling out toys and then Emmet came in and told his Dad that Adam had fallen over and hurt his nose. Fran went in and found him on the floor. He had asphyxiated between the two toy bins by standing in one and putting the other on top of himself. It all happened in just 2 1/2 minutes. Fran tried to give him the kiss of life and called the ambulance but it was just too late.
"I was brought to hospital by a squad car and when they told me I just went into denial. I could not accept it. I held Adam for five hours. When I came home from the hospital I got into Adam's bed and slept. We were shell-shocked and nobody knew what to say. The funeral was arranged by the two families and my only regret is that Emmet was not there because I felt he was too young at the time. We did bring him to the hospital and he kissed Adam goodbye but he could not believe it. We tried to keep him involved and never lied to him or told him `fairy stories'. But kids think that when someone dies it is just like on TV. It really annoys me when people say things like `he's an angel in heaven now,' or `he was not meant for this world'.
"Of course life was completely different afterwards and we had to salvage what we had left. Some days were better than others and it was hard coping with Emmet's questions all the time.
"I found it even harder after the first anniversary because I could not look back and say what Adam had been doing this time last year and the loss was deeper. He would have been due to start school in September, so that day was very hard.
"We were contacted by the Irish Sudden Infant Death Association and got involved with one of their counselling programmes. We did it with three other couples and the ISIDA were very gentle and supportive and allowed us to grieve. It was great for myself and Fran to help us to communicate about Adam's death. It was also wonderful for Emmet who also took part in a programme. I urge anyone involved in a similar situation to go for counselling. But do be careful of who you pick and make sure they are a professional group. The Government should fund programmes for all bereaved families who want them.
"Four months after he died I got pregnant again. It was a long pregnancy and I felt negative about it and I had a lot of fear and nightmares. Fran was very supportive. I was afraid that I was just looking for a baby to replace Adam but the minute Kealan was born a weight just lifted. I looked at him and just thought `he's here to stay'. The nicest thing about having Kealan is being able to love him, but in some ways it makes Adam's loss even greater."