BILL CLINTON actually had great fun in Mexico. This is not supposed to happen to US presidents when they cross the Rio Grande to visit their touchy southern neighbour which blames the "Yanquis" for much of its woes.
It's just 150 years since the US invaded Mexico on spurious grounds and ended up swallowing Texas, California and New Mexico. The US diplomat who signed the infamous Guadalupe Hidalgo treaty ratifying the land grab later wrote: "Could those Mexicans have seen into my heart at that moment, they would have known that my feeling of shame as an American was stronger than theirs could be as Mexicans. That was a thing for every right-minded American to be ashamed of."
A few years later, a bankrupt Santa Anna government ceded more Mexican territory in the shape of Arizona and southern New Mexico for $10 million. Mexicans today still feel bitter about half their country passing to the gringos.
They also feel that they are forever dancing to the US tune, whether it is about treatment of Mexican immigrants, the blame for drug smuggling, or just generally being at the mercy of the whims of their giant neighbour.
So why did Bill Clinton enjoy himself so much in Mexico city instead of getting pelted with rotten fruit? Anyone spotted with such an unfriendly object would of course have been hauled away by the enormous numbers of police and soldiers on duty on the presidential routes.
But in widely screened TV interviews before he arrived, Mr Clinton disarmed his Mexican critics by insisting that the relationship between two such unequal partners must still be one of "respect and dignity".
And during the visit, Mr Clinton, in his conduct towards Mexico's President Ernesto Zedillo and his speeches, hammered that home. When Mr Clinton sets out to charm a person or a country, no one does it better.
So that's why he could relax as he did the sights, some of which recalled his honeymoon days with Hillary in Mexico over 20 years ago.
He loved the magnificent Museum of Anthropology displaying the ancient Indian cultures and ensured he had his picture taken at the mysterious Aztec Sun Calendar where his hero, John F. Kennedy, had his taken during an earlier presidential visit.
Mr Clinton was attracted to a large headdress of turquoise-coloured peacock and quetzal feathers like the one which belonged to the last Aztec emperor, the ill-fated Moctezuma. Resisting suggestions that he could work such a headdress into Washington ceremonies, Mr Clinton deadpanned: "I think people would think I was putting on airs if I wore this."
Passing the room of the Olmecs civilisation, Mr Clinton spotted a heavily tattooed male figure with a wide-gaping mouth and pierced sagging earlobes. After studying it he said to the accompanying press: "Denis Rodman" - the flamboyant Chicago Bulls basketball star.
A reclining statue from Chichen Itza in the Yucatan reminded him of the work of Henry Moore. He recalled: "The first date I ever had with Hillary we went and saw a Henry Moore statue. I love Henry Moore."
When he was shown misshapen skulls and the guide explained that the Mayans used boards to squeeze the heads of their babies as a beauty ritual, Clinton imagined the dialogue of a Mayan mother: "I'm squeezing your head because I love you". He told Mr Zedillo that when he got a spanking as a boy, "My mother said this hurts me more than it hurts you. It's the only thing she told me I didn't believe.
Mr Clinton then noticed a statue of two figurines engaged in what the curator described delicately as a "love dialogue". He said that when religion came to the people in later centuries, "it eliminated all that". Mr Clinton replied jokingly: "I don't think that's what God had in mind."
On the last day of his visit, the Clintons got out of the smog-laden capital to visit the town of Tlazcala where he had his first chance to meet ordinary Mexicans. But it was noted that many of them, supporters of the PRI ruling party, had been bussed into the town and given a free lunch of a sandwich and fruit to wave US flags and cheer.
One of them joked to a reporter that if they tried to go to the US "they would send us back here with a boot up the backside but our arms are wide open to Clinton".
The Clintons and entourage were feasting on a buffet which included shrimp and hot sauce, roasted pork and hot peppers. When they emerged, the Clintons browsed like tourists among local handicrafts. Hillary put on a mask of a male face with a moustache and joked: "I can wear this in public. You wouldn't know it's me.
Whitewater must have seemed so far away as the Clintons relived a Mexican honeymoon.
The President went to buy some curios and was banded money by an aide. When the merchant tried to refuse the money, Mr Clinton said gently: "Don't fight me. Let me pay you for it."
And that's how gringo Clinton won over the Mexicans. But they won't get back Texas and California.