Christmas Day: slices of freshly cooked turkey and ham, with cranberry sauce. Yum. St Stephen's Day: Reheated turkey and ham, with gravy. Helps the hangover. Third, fourth, fifth and sixth days of Christmas: turkey ravioli, ham pie, turkey curry, turkey and ham toasties. Hmmm.
Jaded taste buds, furred tongues and bleary eyes are the usual price for Christmas indulgence, but for some it's a more exhausting penance, complete with stomach cramps, nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea.
The reason? Free with your turkey or ham, and unlikely to be featured on the label, you may also have brought home a few hundred or even a few thousand species of bacterium. Sleek salmonella, chic campylobacter and the ever-elegant E coli - not to mention their role in food poisoning - don't seem to rouse the poet in the advertiser's heart.
These bugs often visit our homes, of course, but rarely do they enjoy the opportunities afforded by Christmas, when we stock our fridges and freezers with the largest slabs of meat and the heaviest poultry we can find. Storing and cooking them poses challenges, and Christmas is the time of highest risk for food poisoning in the home, according to the Food Safety Promotion Board.
Don't panic, though. Help is at hand. The board has issued a booklet with tips for a safe Christmas, available from most supermarkets and butchers. If you want more personalised advice, the board, which is an all-island body, has helplines in the Republic (1850-404567) and the North (0800-0851683).
Inside the booklet's festive cover is a wealth of sensible advice - from storing and cooking to stuffing, buffet foods, leftovers and recipes - which you ignore at your peril.
So if you're buying a fresh bird, buy it as late as possible and don't dally on the way home: strictly no visiting friends, relatives or the local, no holly collecting or carol singing while leaving the bird languishing in the boot. Store it in the fridge, which should be kept below five degrees.
You should put all raw meat, including turkey, on the bottom shelf of the fridge, as its juices could run into other foods. Cook it no later than two days after buying it. If your fridge is bursting at the seams, the board suggests transferring vegetables and drinks - other than milk and fresh juices - to a cool box.
If you buy a frozen bird, put it in the freezer until you're ready to defrost it. It can exist happily there for up to six months, if your freezer is at the correct temperature, of below minus 18 degrees. Although it will freeze the turkey, however, this temperature will freeze but not kill the bugs. They hibernate, patiently awaiting the big thaw.
Thawing is the tricky bit. Don't wait until Christmas Eve. Instead, do a little maths now. You must fully defrost a frozen bird before cooking it; the safest way is in the fridge, on the bottom shelf, making sure it cannot drip on to other foods. Allow at least 24 hours' defrosting for every four or five pounds of weight. If your turkey weighs 20 pounds, it could take up to 56 hours - more than two days - to thaw properly.
Once safely defrosted, proper cooking is the next challenge. When the bird is fully cooked its juices should run clear, not pink. Pierce the drumstick to test. If you have a meat thermometer or temperature probe, check that the internal temperature reaches 72 degrees, when all the bacteria will be sizzled to death.
Leftovers should be taken off the bone, cut into small pieces, covered, refrigerated and eaten within two days. When reheating food, make sure it reaches the magic number: 72 degrees. Gravy that is left over should be stored in the fridge and boiled before eating.
Last year, there was a flurry of activity as panicked cooks rang the helplines with their last-minute worries, according to Fiona Gilligan of the board. Avert the panic by taking its leaflet, as well as your groceries, home with you.