US:The press corps is not buying Hillary's claim that her candidacy is very much alive, writes Dana Milbank.
Customer: "Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now."
Pet-shop owner: "No, no he's not dead, he's, he's resting! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian blue, isn't it, aye? Beautiful plumage!" - From Monty Python's Flying Circus
11:45am, Melrose Hotel, Washington DC: It's day seven of the Clinton Campaign Death Watch - a full week since the official arbiter of the Democratic primary, Tim Russert, declared the campaign over and Barack Obama the nominee.
Hillary Clinton's advisers continue to insist that the candidate's prospects are very much alive, but the press isn't buying it. There are two press buses waiting at the hotel here for Clinton's trip to her victory rally in West Virginia, but the entire press contingent doesn't quite fill one. It isn't until the entourage arrives at Dulles airport that Clinton aides learn that the second bus is still idling, empty, at the hotel.
If there is importance in the results of the primary in West Virginia, the press corps isn't letting on. Awaiting the candidate on the tarmac, two guys from CNN toss a football. Aboard the plane, one member of the press corps entertains his colleagues by flopping down the aisle on his belly, like a fish.
But Clinton, wearing a salmon-coloured jacket and dark sunglasses, is all smiles as she boards the jet. She hugs and kisses her campaign chairman, Terry McAuliffe. Still grinning, she helps herself to a cracker with spread from the snack tray as the plane taxis to the runway.
And why shouldn't she be happy? Within minutes, Clinton has crossed the Blue Ridge and is over the green hills of West Virginia, home of what she calls the "hardworking Americans, white Americans". This is Clinton Country.
Customer: "That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk."
Pet-shop owner: "Well, he's, he's, ah, probably pining for the fjords."
2:57pm, Yeager airport, Charleston, West Virginia: A steep descent brings Clinton's plane to Charleston's hilltop airport. After an appropriate wait, she steps from the plane and pretends to wave to a crowd of supporters; in fact, she is waving to 10 photographers underneath the aircraft's wing. She pretends to spot an old friend in the crowd, points and gives another wave; in fact, she was waving at an aide she had been talking to on the plane minutes earlier.
On the way into town, she makes an unscheduled stop at an upscale farmers' market, but about 30 Clinton supporters, several wearing AFSCME union T-shirts and waving Clinton campaign signs, have somehow got wind of it. Clinton works the crowd, signing autographs and making small talk ("Is that your dog?").
She makes her way past rows of geraniums and marigolds, and Clinton aide Doug Hattaway suggests some metaphors to the reporters ("Everything's blooming?", "Fertile ground?").
Or maybe nipped in the bud?
But even here in this verdant electoral garden, Clinton is reminded of her troubles - in this case, her financial ones. She stops at Ellen's Homemade Ice Cream and orders a scoop of espresso Oreo and a scoop of butter pecan. "Ooh, that looks good," she says after taking the confection, then pauses.
"Now, let's see. Who's got my money?" asks the woman who has lent her campaign $11 million to keep it afloat. "Where - where'd they go, the people with my money?" Finally, two aides arrive to pay Clinton's dessert debt.
Customer: "He's not pining! He's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! . . . His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible! This is an ex-parrot!"
7:30pm, Charleston Convention Center: The moment the polls closed, MSNBC, playing on the television screens backstage at the victory celebration, declares Clinton the winner of the West Virginia primary. This is no surprise: exit polls have showed a two to one margin of victory for Clinton.
But a Clinton spokesman rushes into the press area. "Look at that! Look at that! Clinton wins!" he says with mock surprise. There is no television playing on the convention centre's red-carpeted floor, where all of 89 Clinton supporters have arrived so far. After a 12-minute delay, somebody thinks to turn on the television in the hall, and the small group breaks into a chant: "It's not over." A few of the supporters attempted to follow that up with a chant of "Yes, we will!"
We will? A week ago, Clinton won the Indiana primary by two percentage points - and the media decreed that she had lost. Now she's trouncing Obama by double digits in West Virginia - and nobody seems to be paying attention. This, no doubt, has something to do with the fact that she is trailing Obama in the popular vote, states won, pledged delegates and, now, superdelegates.
"West Virginia win unlikely to change race for Clinton," ABC News reported on Tuesday morning. CBS pointed to "her nearly nonexistent chances". NBC likened the vote to "the final football game of the regular season, which really won't impact the teams headed to the playoffs". Even Clinton loyalist James Carville called Obama the likely nominee.
But Clinton aides press on in their effort to demonstrate life in the Clinton candidacy. At the Charleston victory celebration, McAuliffe speaks to CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer. "Let's let the voters vote," he pleads. "They don't think this is over, Wolf."
- (LA Times-Washington Post service)