There were no Scuds in Wednesday's budget, unless you count the sporting ones - £500,000 for indoor hurling in Cork (what that?) and the halving of betting tax - so both professionals and observers in the Dail that evening were hard pressed to find a bad word to say about Minister Charlie McCreevy. As expected, the star turns from the opposition benches were FG's Michael Noonan and DL's Pat Rabbitte. Indeed, there was huge interest in Rabbitte, who was seen to be auditioning for the finance portfolio in next year's new Labour - against the current holder, Labour's Derek McDowell. Possibly as a result Rabbitte was more serious than usual while McDowell was serious as usual.
But Rabbitte started off well. Not even the Irish rugby team could fluff the introduction to this year's Budget, he said, and even an accident-prone minister couldn't fail to give the good news. He was heckled continually from the gung-ho government benches and resorted to appealing to the chair for help. He took the chance to have a go at his constituency colleague, however. "I like Conor Lenihan, he is a nice young fellow. When he got elected in the constituency I showed him round and showed him the ropes and told him the names of places." Oh dear.
Noonan called McCreevy's homily at the end a bit of folksy pub talk, but while he had some very serious things to say about inflationary fears, it was the rest of the Cabinet that attracted most criticism. The Minister for Finance, he said, might make correct decisions, but that was no guarantee of success because others were not pulling their weight. After 18 months in office at least six ministers had yet to take a serious decision - even a bad one - as they seemed to think their primary function was to act as public relations officers for their departments.
"The Minister for Health has neither a feel for, nor an interest in, the needs of public patients; the Minister for Sport who made the elimination of drugs his top priority has left almost £5 million, voted by this house for this very purpose, unspent . . . and is using the so-called savings to fund overspending in the Department of Tourism; the Minister for Agriculture has become the bogey man of farming families; and the Minister for Foreign Affairs should get an Oscar for his unrivalled representation of the invisible man. The Minister for the Environment can't organise his Department or the local authorities to service sufficient building land in Dublin."
So there, he signalled across the floor, you thought you are doing well.