DÁIL SKETCH:The Lisbon Treaty has the voters of Dublin South East in a terrible quandary at the moment. Bertie Ahern is increasing their misery by refusing to name the date, writes Miriam Lord
You get a different class of voter in DSE. The timing of the treaty referendum is the talk of the farmers' markets.
(Along with schools' rugby, local boys who have taken silk and the opening of Carluccio's in Dawson Street - one never knows when an antipasti crisis might strike.) Fine Gael's Lucinda Creighton - a leading light in the litter of new Opposition pups currently yapping at Bertie's heels - flagged her constituents' unhappy situation during the Order of Business. Unfortunately, while pointing out that some of them are experiencing distress because of the Taoiseach's reluctance to confirm a date for voting, she left the Dáil intrigued as to why exactly this is causing them such angst.
Are they planning to leave the country as soon as the Lisbon Treaty campaign gets into full swing, or do they want to make sure they won't be overseas when polling day comes around? Perhaps Ibec and the Law Library have issued a three-line whip on the matter: "stick around guys, vote 'yes' and tell all your staff and any northsiders in the golf club to do likewise." Lucinda didn't say.
When deputy Creighton rises to speak, she roars at the Taoiseach with as much ferocity as her fraternal pup, Leo Varadkar. And like her similarly youthful party colleague, Lucinda is not intimidated by Bertie's rank and experience.
So she got stuck in yesterday on behalf of the people of Dublin South East, who are currently confined to barracks until they know when voting is going to take place. "The last time I asked the Taoiseach for a date for the referendum on the European reform treaty, he tritely responded that people should not book their holidays for the last week of May or the first week in June."
Bertie looked up, a little smile on his face. Had it been Leo, he would have snarled. But he has a soft spot for de blondes.
Lucinda ploughed on. "It's all very well for the Taoiseach and I who can benefit from holidays any time in August or September (sic) but not everybody is in that fortunate position. It is time for the Taoiseach to name a date for the referendum because people who have limited time for their summer holidays are trying to book them. I have received a series of representations . . ." At which point, she was interrupted by the Ceann Comhairle, who was in fine interrupting form yesterday, having earlier pulled up Enda Kenny for referring to the Tánaiste as Bertie's "First Mate".
Eamon Gilmore discounted this description of Biffo's current relationship with his boss. "He certainly can't be called the 'first mate' after his less than full support last week." Fine Gael's Fergus O'Dowd offered an alternative: "A Prime Mate."
But back to the Bull O'Donoghue, who had interrupted to say Lucinda could ask about the referendum Bill but not about a date for the referendum.
"It would show some respect for the electorate if you gave us a date," Lucinda said.
Bertie smiled across. "The referendum Bill will be published tomorrow" he cooed.
But what about a date? Lucinda needed to know, for apparently a goodly number of her constituents are afraid to book their holidays in case they might clash with the referendum. An admirable way to be, but are the voters of Dublin South East really so concerned about the Lisbon Treaty that they are going to book their holidays around it? They're much more likely to be agonising over whether to serve Jerusalem Artichokes at their next dinner party (such a forgotten and wonderfully ironic root vegetable, but with a reputation for bringing on violent bouts of wind). Lucinda pressed for a date. Bertie looked over and smiled and sighed and said nothing.
"Date?" she asked, throwing up her hands in frustration.
But no chance of this blonde getting Bertie to name the day.
As for the distraught denizens of Dublin South East, a happy ending is in sight. The Taoiseach is expected to announce a date today. Anchors Aweigh!