Róisín Ingle bids a fond farewell to 'You're A Star', RTÉ's blockbustingsearch for a Eurovision entry and Ireland's biggest talent contest
All politics is local. And so, it seems, is pop. No sooner was it announced that Mickey Joe "foot-stompin' father of two from Lifford" Harte would go head-to-head with Simon "big-jawed balladeer from Ballycumber" Casey for the final of You're A Star in Dublin tonight than the talk had turned to vote transfers.
Seasoned observers of the talent competition, which for better or worse will unearth this year's Irish Eurovision entry, reckon they know exactly what will happen to the votes of Michael Leonard - 23, big voice, Belcoo - who was eliminated last week. One minute you have Latvia and Terry Wogan in your sights, the next the votes you might have won are being picked over by the remaining scavengers - sorry, contestants. That, as Leonard and the other You're A Star losers have discovered, is showbiz.
"It's obvious, right," said one colleague who for reasons of credibility refused to be named. "Michael was from Co Fermanagh and Mickey Joe is from Lifford, in Co Donegal, so the ones who would have texted and phoned for Michael are now going to give their votes to Mickey Joe, what with Donegal being so close to Fermanagh. Although I should add that it's not an exact science, and even without the transfers the Casey lad, from Co Offaly, could still swing it."
So the person who wins won't be the one who gives a better performance on the night, thereby proving himself better able to represent the nation's hopes in the Eurovision Song Contest, I asked. "Duh," came the reply as my source scuttled away from the water cooler.
You're A Star is light-entertainment nirvana for RTÉ. You can almost hear the backslapping Montrose executives as they consult the latest viewing figures. A 60 per cent audience share! In multichannel land! Father Ted, my arse! As a weapon of mass distraction, the programme has been devastating, attracting younger audiences initially but dragging the rest of us of kicking and screaming to RTÉ 1 on Sunday nights when the inevitable rows began to brew. About 650,000 votes were cast last Sunday night, and the producers expect that figure to be nearer to a million when voting opens for the last time tonight.
For many, the key to the programme's popularity has been the regional format. The first rounds took place in nine places around the island, and each finalist was voted in by the public. Pitting parish against parish and county against county turned You're A Star into GAA - The Musical.
The programme also proved irresistible for two other reasons: Shauna and Caoimhe McElhinney, the 16-year-old twins from Glanmire, in Co Cork, bestrode You're A Star like two pitch-imperfect but photogenic mascots, all the while snubbing their pretty noses at the judges. Darren Smith, Phil Coulter, Louis Walsh and Kerry McFadden - née Katona, former Atomic Kitten - made no secret of their lack of enthusiasm for the duo. The voting public knew better, and the girls got through to the final six acts before being given their marching orders. The, er, quality of their performance was one of the first You're A Star rows to break on Joe Duffy's Liveline radio programme, the spiritual home of all national grievances. Sean McElhinney could be heard declaring his intention to withdraw his daughters from the competition if people didn't stop being so snide about them. He is now thinking of writing a book about the saga.
"We just got on with things," says a remarkably philosophical Shauna. "Some hurtful things were said, but for every bad thing that happened there were a thousand good things. We have no regrets. We learned an awful lot and enjoyed every minute."
Accusations of nepotism also made the headlines when McFadden, wife of Bryan McFadden of Westlife, picked Bryan's sister Susan as one of four wildcard entrants who were allowed into the final despite not getting voted in by the public. Again, Duffy's programme was swamped by outraged callers, with Susan's mum, Mairead, calling in to stick up for her daughter, whom she said was a victim of her brother's success. Larry Bass of Shinawil, the company that made the series for RTÉ, says no rules were broken. "The rules state that no direct relations of anyone involved in the programme can enter, but they say nothing about in-laws," he insists.
In the event, the consistently high- performing Susan was voted off even before the twins got the boot. Her supporters blame the family-connections controversy.
Later, there was a row about the voting technology when our phone systems proved incapable of processing the huge volume of calls in such a short space of time. As a result, the announcement of the weekly winner was changed from Sunday night to Monday morning.
The final brouhaha came when Aonghus McAnally rang Liveline to complain about the potential Eurovision songs that the final contestants have been singing for the past three weeks. One was co-written by Ronan Keating and another by Bryan McFadden, both of whom have links with judge and pop mogul Louis Walsh. The Keating ditty has since been eliminated, but Casey will tonight be singing McFadden's song, A Better Plan, which McAnally described as "sub-Bull Island". The Westlife star wrote it in 10 minutes; some less than charitable commentators have wondered how it could possibly have taken him so long.
Mickey Joe Harte's song is We've Got The World, by Keith Molloy and Martin Brannigan, who also wrote four number ones for the girl band B*Witched. "I take my hat off to the success of the programme, but I wouldn't have chosen either song, to be honest," says Shay Healy, composer of two winning Eurovision songs.
One show insider who didn't want to be named said it was unlikely that any of the contestants would make it on the international scene. "It's the curse of the Eurovision. The most they can hope for is to be famous for a week and then to gig occasionally in pubs and clubs around the country," he said.
Meanwhile, those unstoppable twins are going from strength to strength. They have been booked for a charity do in Cork next month with UK comedian Tom O'Connor. "And we are opening a sandwich shop," says Shauna. There really is no business like it.