MIRIAM LORD'S WEEK:EAT YOUR heart out Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh, here comes The Wex-Factor. The showbiz event of the year happens tonight when Fianna Fáil deputy Seán Connick returns to the stage after a 30-year absence.
In his schooldays in the late 1970s, Seán was part of a singing group which won numerous All-Ireland titles at the national Slógadh music competition.
The Nomads cleaned up at talent contests and even got to sing on television. The nine-strong group have reunited for a charity talent show in St Michael's Theatre in New Ross and they're taking the contest very seriously, right down to three costume changes in the course of the evening. (All going well and they progress through the elimination rounds.) "We plan to confuse the audience with a Bay City Rollers medley: Give a Little Love, I Only Wanna Be With Youand Shang-A-Lang," Seán told us yesterday while out hunting for tartan ribbons.
"If we get through, we'll be doing our own version of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. It's very tuneful, if I say so myself, so that'll bamboozle the them entirely." He reckons white shirts and shades will do here.
Finally, Seán and the boys – with Stetsons – will tear into Rhinestone Cowboybefore "giving them a final lash" with Crocodile Rock. Stetsons will be thrown into the crowd, but only if they promise to give them back. No other items of clothing will be removed. "We want to entertain, not make them nauseous."
In true X-Factorfashion, voting for the various acts will be by text and the lines are open all day today. Text WEX 109 followed by 57802 if you want to vote for Seán. Proceeds will go to the Chernobyl Children's Project.
Keane’s keen eye for a travel bargain
Enough of Brendan Drumm and his €70,000 bonus and his tough life and tough job on a salary of €370,000. It only annoys people, and we don’t want to be getting annoyed on a Saturday morning. Let’s hear it instead for cancer tsar Prof Tom Keane, who may be on a nice little earner himself but at least seems to be keeping a keen eye on the expenses front.
We hear that Tom attended a meeting with consultants and healthcare workers in Letterkenny recently. He finished it in the afternoon – had to rush away and catch the Bus Éireann coach to Dublin, much to the surprise of the well-heeled medicos he left behind. Maybe he wanted to escape the attentions of the hospital interest groups for a few hours.
Deasy runs afoul of the baby Blueshirts
Noel Dempsey’s new drink-driving limits are not just proving divisive in Fianna Fáil. John Deasy of Fine Gael fell foul of the baby Blueshirts when he said that the Government should target younger people using existing laws instead of tinkering with the limit.
Young Fine Gael president Barry Walsh has accused Deasy of repeating “a ridiculous stereotype about young drivers which is not backed up by any evidence whatsoever”. He goes on: “Deasy has criticised Mattie McGrath for his ‘simplistic and populist’ opposition to the proposal. Well what can be more simplistic and populist than a repetition of the usual wheeze that young people are to blame for every problem? When it comes to populism, Mattie could learn a thing or two from Mr Deasy on this one.” It’s difficult to say which one of those two should be the more insulted.
Simulator fails to push Aylward to the limit
Speaking of the bould Mattie, a newspaper tried to entice him into a driving simulator during the week to see how well he would be able to drive after a pint of two. But the Fianna Fáil deputy for Tipperary South decided it was best not to get any further embroiled in the drink-driving debate and declined the invitation from the Sunday Times.
His party colleague, the affable Bobby Aylward, also an outspoken critic of Dempsey’s breathalyser proposal, decided to give the simulator a whirl. We understand he had to do a driving skills test first, then drink a pint of beer and go and do the test again. He would then go and have a second pint, and afterwards, drive again in the simulator.
Kilkenny deputy Aylward proved to be something of a cat among the pigeons for the experts. As legend has it among some of his marvelling backbench chums, Bobby was under the limit after his first pint and drove quite well. After his second one, he barrelled out to the simulator where he was found to be still under the limit, while his reactions were not too badly affected. Not, you understand, that they were saying this was a good thing. But they enjoyed a little snigger nonetheless.
But tell me, who’s the youth? It’s Brian Hayes
This week's mailbag included a copy of Garbally College's student magazine from 1982-1983. A fine publication called The Fountain, it featured pieces on illustrious past pupils such as then senator, now FG Galway East TD, Ulick Burke and his FF constituency colleague Noel Treacy.
However, the big event covered by the magazine was the Ballinasloe school's production of HMS Pinafore. A triumph, by all accounts. Sadly, we are unable to do full justice to the glowing review because our copy fell down the back of a radiator. But there is one image from the cast photo which we can never forget. It's the face of the star of the show, who won plaudits all round for a marvellous performance as Little Buttercup-Mrs Cripps. For it is none other than Deputy Brian Hayes of Fine Gael, looking all shiny and innocent as he peeps out from under a little calico bonnet. Little Buttercup's performance was the hit of the show, according to the review. Although it must be said that the co-author was none other than Brian Hayes, who obviously learned the value of good publicity early in the day.
Thoughts of Buttercup reminded us of another leading politician who was known by an endearing nickname when he was in Coláiste Chríost Rí in Cork. Micheál Martin – he’ll be delighted with the reminder – was known as “Ducky”. It could be worse, his brother and former Lord Mayor of Cork Seán went by the name of “Pudsey”.
Seanad to get taste of those long Nama nights
Senators are girding their loins – apologies if you haven’t finished the breakfast yet – for a big week in the Upper House. Finance Minister Brian Lenihan has had to cancel two appointments in Brussels as a result. He’s had to cry off the Eurogroup meeting on Monday and his Ecofin meeting on Tuesday.
Of course, it’s Nama again. The Bill hits the Seanad at last, and House leader Donie Cassidy has given his word that the debate will not be guillotined, so the Senators are selflessly coming in to sit on a Monday.
They will start on the second stage at 10.30am and sit through until nine at night. Then it’s a 10am start on Tuesday for the committee stage and latest estimates are that the debate should finish at about 2am. They’ll come back on Wednesday morning, with another long night and early morning in prospect. Perhaps Opposition members should be more careful about what they ask for, because Donie is happy to let the House sit again on Thursday.
Given that the Bill is due to come back into the Dáil on Thursday – the Chief Whip has already told all Government deputies to be around for the vote – an all nighter is a possibility in the Upper House at some point during the week. Some Senators point out that sitting such long hours might contravene the employment acts. Workers are entitled to a daily rest period of 11 consecutive hours per 24 hours. But they are happy in the notion that they are indispensable.
Lenihan may not be so pleased. He’ll have to sit in for most of the sessions, as if he doesn’t have enough on his plate. He’ll have to stock up on the garlic rations to keep going.
Sargent’s the man with bulbs to spare
Trevor Sargent was being very coy during the week. “I understand that garlic was briefly discussed at Cabinet recently. Cabinet confidentiality precludes me from going into further detail.” It’s at times like this we can see how important it was for the nation to vote in favour of the 1997 amendment on cabinet confidentiality.
Happily, Sargent is not precluded from discussing non-cabinet-related garlic and he has been waxing lyrical about the fabled bulb in his popular website, Trevor’s Kitchen Garden. There was much talk of garlic during the week because of the revelation that Lenihan likes to eat raw cloves. (If you think that’s bad, some people swear by a raw clove in the sock. Something to do with its properties being drawn up through the pores.) “I am keen to meet my own garlic needs from home-grown stocks. With this in mind I am planting a few extra cloves this month myself. I hope to have a few bulbs to spare at harvest time for the Minister for Finance.”
Isn’t that lovely? And now, the lesson. “Garlic requires a longer growing season than most vegetables and along with costs and our damp climate, this has meant that garlic is not grown commercially to any extent in Ireland. There is a small amount grown on the Isle of Wight, I understand, but most of the garlic I see in the shops comes from China. The cloves I sow in the back garden however come through a certified seed merchant. In this way I hope they are more suited to growing in this climate than the Chinese-grown shop garlic.”
Trevor reveals that he is planting his new garlic bed alongside his onions. “First the garlic bulbs need to be carefully pulled apart and the individual cloves laid out on the freshly prepared seedbed . . . With cloves spaced about five inches apart, I sow them each about an inch and a half below the surface. A frost kickstarts their root development, I am told, but they need a good amount of dry weather to avoid rotting . . . The challenge of growing garlic in Ireland is an interesting one as I love it in pesto with home-grown basil. However, while chewing it raw may be very healthy, I think I’ll stick to chewing an apple a day instead!”
Bring one in for Brian while you’re at it.
Collins and Dev: the next generation
Éamon “Young Dev” Ó Cuív made some touching remarks about the friendship between the de Valera and Collins families when he spoke during a Seanad Nama debate on Thursday night. Fine Gael’s Liam Twomey had mentioned the role of Michael Collins in Irish life and how he established National Loan Bonds between 1919 and 1921.
“Many years ago in Cornamona, it was impossible to get money from the banks,” began Young Dev. “I applied to the ACC for a loan on behalf of the co-operative and decided the second time round that I would not leave anything to chance. Therefore, I rang the chairman of the ACC who happened to be called Michael Collins and a nephew of the Michael Collins to whom the Senator referred. He also had been a very good friend of my mother when they were children.
“When he came on the telephone, I started to explain who I was and what I was about, namely, that I was trying to raise some money for the co-operative. However, he interrupted me. ‘Tell me,’ he said, ‘Are you Emer’s son?’ I said I was and he replied, ‘Tell your mother I was asking for her.’ Then he asked me my business and I must say the co-operative got its loan, is still going strong many years later and that its offspring have created many jobs. Any notion that there was bad blood between the de Valeras and the Collins family, certainly on our side, would be very wrong.
“These were friendships in the 1930s. I am happy to record in this Chamber that I always felt I owed a huge debt to Michael Collins jnr because I . . . believe he sympathised on what we were trying to do and ensured we got the money.” There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
If you can’t get CJ, the BVM might drop in
The disappointing non-appearance by the Blessed Virgin Mary (BVM) in Knock last weekend had people around Leinster House reminiscing about the time Msgr James Horan hosted a great day for the west back in 1986 at the official opening of Knock airport.
Then taoiseach Charlie Haughey was flown to the opening in a light aircraft by Peter Cahill of Iona National Airways. I remember the event very well, as CJH kindly gave me a lift home to Dublin in the little plane. It was a very turbulent flight, and he had to assist me back to the bar in the Iona Building and dispense several medicinal brandies before the shock wore off.
The story circulating at the time was that Charlie was unable to attend the opening ceremony at the last minute. Msgr Horan, ever resourceful, knew he had to get somebody who would be as big a box office draw as Squire Haughey. So he went right to the top. Drawing on his years of service to the church, he got through to the other Boss and asked if he might do the honours in Mayo. God was unable to oblige, but he didn’t want to see the Monsignor stuck. “Tell you what, I’ll send the young fella down to you. And what’s more, his mother will go along as well.” “Thanks very much” said the cleric, delighted.
And so the big day dawned. The great and good of the west gathered for the official opening. It fell to Our Lady to do the honours, which she did with a heart and a half. She levitated to the microphone, and in dulcet tones, she spoke. “I am honoured and delighted to declare open this magnificent new airport at Knock, in this my first visit.”