PRESENT TENSE:THOSE WHO THINK "sorry" isn't actually the hardest word – perhaps preferring instead the garbled syllables of "synecdoche" or the near-inexplicable "palimpsest"– might have to reconsider their opinion as a string of sports stars, singers and politicians struggled to utter basic apologies for their actions, writes DAVIN O'DWYER
This was the week when the delivery, or non-delivery, of an apology became a story in its own right, related to, but distinct from, the original transgression. It seems we now have two- or three-stage repentance – when the initial apology is deemed unapologetic enough, a little low on the regreto-meter say, it must be expanded.
The most flagrant U-turn came from Serena Williams, who was hardly a study in regret after her US Open semi-final against Kim Clijsters last Saturday, which ended dramatically after Williams threatened to shove a tennis ball down the throat of a line judge. “An apology? From me?” Williams stuttered in the post-match press conference. Nope, not even the hint of an apology was forthcoming – in fact, Williams gave the impression that were it all to happen again, she might repeat the ball-down-the-gob manoeuvre. But, as pressure mounted, Williams subtly changed her position. “I want to amend my press statement of yesterday,” she said. “I want to apologise first to the lineswoman . . . I’m a woman of great pride, faith and integrity, and I admit when I’m wrong.” (Eventually.)
As for Kanye West (below), he seems to have been taken by surprise that picking on sweet teenagers such as Taylor Swift was a one-way ticket to being deemed a jackass. His stage invasion at the MTV awards isn’t the first time he’s blurted out whatever was raging in his inner monologue, but by interrupting Swift’s acceptance speech, he crossed a well-known Rubicon: don’t make pretty girls cry.
His apology began on his blog: "I'm in the wrong for going on stage and taking away from her moment!" he wrote, making a decent stab at this penitence thing, before compounding his original offence by adding, "Beyoncé's video was the best of this decade!!!" He followed it up with a suitably repentant appearance on The Jay Leno Show, complete with teary pauses to show the frailty behind the ego, but it was midweek before he apologised to Swift.
Delivering an apology while assuming as little responsibility for your behaviour as you can is a fine art, requiring linguistic dexterity, faux-sincerity and brass neck. With extra Brasso. Step right up Republican congressman Joe Wilson, who heckled Barack Obama as he delivered a healthcare address to the joint houses of Congress. Wilson hastily apologised, but later claimed that the Republican party leadership had demanded he do so, which rather defeated the purpose. “People know I’m a civil person,” he said as an excuse, flying in the face of what people actually do know about him. “I respect the president.” But for Wilson, it was probably the best career move he could have made. It doesn’t take much to become a right-wing talisman in the US – ask Joe the Plumber – but Wilson has quickly ascended to those ranks after his impetuous outburst. He can happily go through the motions of apology and contrition, all the while basking in the high profile his rudeness has afforded him.
We had our own little apology theatre this week, of course, with the Ceann Comhairle, John O’Donoghue, first writing to his Dáil colleagues expressing regret over the expenses he accrued while Minister for Arts, Sports and Tourism, but stopping short of apologising. When questioned, he said, “I have stated categorically with the benefit of hindsight that some of the costs are high and that I sincerely regret that – in so far as one regrets something, I think that is an apology.”
Thus we were treated to some rather semantic hair-splitting over the difference between expressions of regret and outright apologies, but it’s safe to say his sleep probably wasn’t disrupted by remorse when he lay his head down on the silk sheets of his €1,000-a-night hotel room (and for that price, I as a taxpayer would be dismayed if they weren’t silk). O’Donoghue did come out with a less mealy-mouthed apology on Wednesday, but it was as full of qualifications and caveats as a Terms and Conditions agreement you click through hastily when buying online.
For people who have behaved boorishly, or stupidly, or inappropriately, in the most high-profile manner, sorry appears to stick in the craw. It’s a sentiment incompatible with their self-image. But whether they mean it or not, in future they should get the apology over and done with. That is the least we deserve.
dodwyer@irishtimes.com
Shane Hegarty will return next week