HOBBY HORSE POWERBOATINGSkimming across the sea at breakneck speed is an utterly exhilarating experience, writes Eoin Butler.
'WE GET A NICE mixture of people here," reckons Jim, the young instructor from the Dún Laoghaire Powerboat School. "Some might never have stepped on board a boat before. Others have been sailing for 30 or 40 years and just need the certificate to keep the insurance people happy."
Jim is a 21-year-old native of south Dublin who has been interested in boats since he was a child. As sports like water-skiing, wakeboarding and diving have grown in popularity in recent years, so too have the number of privately owned pleasure craft on Irish waters. Jim and his business partner Kyron run a two-day course for candidates seeking their National Powerboat Certificate (roughly equivalent to a driver's licence). Today, I am their reluctant pupil.
Jim runs through some safety procedures on the rib (rigid inflatable boat) and explains how it operates. Then, much sooner than I had anticipated, he steps aside and invites me to start the engine. "Head towards that blue yacht there," he instructs, disembarking from the vessel. "Then turn left and swing her back around by the marina."
I'm suddenly feeling a little anxious. "You're coming with me, right?" I inquire nervously.
He undoes the moorings and jumps back onboard. "Of course," he smiles.
The water in Dún Laoghaire harbour is crystal clear, and above us the sun is shining brightly in a clear blue sky. "So this is what you do all day?" I tease him. "Messing about in boats?"
Jim smiles and asks me a bit about my own job. I tell him about some of the other hobbies I've tried my hand at in recent weeks.
"So, basically, you drive around the country playing games of Scrabble with people?" he scoffs. Pretty much, I concede. Touché.
The steering on the smaller rib is counter- intuitive - that is, you turn the tiller left to go right and vice versa - but I get the hang of it pretty quickly. Besides, at six miles an hour in what is essentially a glorified dingy, the amount of damage I can do is fairly limited. When I've gotten the hang of that vessel, we switch to a bigger, much more powerful boat - a 5.85m console with GPS display and VHF radio. This boat is worth more than €40,000 and consumes about 40 litres of petrol an hour at full throttle. Powerboating is not a cheap hobby. But standing at the helm of this boat, with sunglasses shielding my eyes from the glare of the water, I suddenly feel like I'm starring an episode of Miami Vice.
Jim proceeds to guide me through a couple of distinctly un-Don Johnson-esque manoeuvres, including reversing, coming alongside and dropping anchor. After that, we practise tying up the boat and he shows me the various knots that are used. As it happens, I dabbled a bit in knotting as a boy scout. Sadly, the pursuit hasn't gotten any less mind-numbingly boring in the intervening years. ("The bunny rabbit comes out of the hole. He goes around the tree and then back into the hole . . . This is the knot that firemen use.")
Finally, when I'm adjudged ready to leave the confines of the harbour, I'm allowed take her out into the open sea. "While we've been in the harbour, the boat has been displacing water," Jim explains. "But once you hit the throttle, you'll notice we're no longer sitting in the water. We'll actually be sitting on top of the water!"
I duly hit the throttle. He wasn't joking. The front of the boat lifts high into the air and skims across the water with such force I have to grab the steering wheel to avoid being thrown backwards. It's an utterly exhilarating experience.
"In two hours," Jim bellows over the din, "we could be in Wexford . . . or in Holyhead."
Instead, I race the boat past Loreto College, where the girls are shut inside swotting for their exams. Then I swing it around Dalkey Island where a harem of seals bask contentedly in the midday sun.
"So whatcha reckon?" he yells, as I finally swing her back around towards port.
"I have to hand it to you," I tell him. "This definitely beats Scrabble!"
Powerboat Factfile
•The Dún Laoghaire Powerboat School is one of over 50 exhibitors at the Lombard on the Water Boat Show at the Malahide Marina which runs until tomorrow
•Also on show in Malahide are more than 130 boats, ranging in size from 10ft ribs to 82ft luxury cruisers
•The two-day national powerboat certificate course at Dún Laoghaire Powerboat School costs €315. Tel: 01-2804422. E-mail: info@powerboatschool.ie
•Some interesting knot types include the Round Turn, the Clove Hitch and the Sheet Bend