Who could resist an adventure holiday on Jersey? Tony Clayton-Lea chances his arm, his leg and sundry other body parts
This week, Matthew, I'm going to be James Bond. Yes, I have decided to trade in three days at the home-office desk, listening to the latest Belle and Sebastian album, gird whatever it is in my body that needs to be girded and head off for adventure activities such as jet-skiing, blokarting, abseiling, sky-diving (if the wind is good) and cliff-jumping (if I have time and haven't broken any bones).
But where to go? Ireland has more than enough coast to accommodate all of these activities, but the country's niche entrepreneurs aren't exactly showering us with information or holiday packages. Jersey, on the other hand, is delighted to promote itself as an adventure-activity destination. It's easy to see why. Although its population rises to more than 80,000, it's essentially a seasonal place where people working in the tourism industry depend on sunny summers, strong but pleasant winds and happy visitors.
JET SKIING
Which is why, as a wannabe James Bond - although Inaction Man, Mr Bean or Clark Kent might be closer to the truth - I find myself standing on the silky strand of St Aubin's Bay. In a wetsuit. Waiting to climb on to a jet ski. Looking at me with a mixture of sympathy and doubt is former Royal Navy officer Geoff Spencer- Tucker, my instructor for the session. He kindly glosses over any inadequacies I admit to and rattles off the safety procedures. The most important rule is to keep 100m away from other jet-skiers. There are several others, but by the time I'm in the water and on the machine, revving up and taking off into the bay, I've forgotten them.
What doesn't leave my head is the exhilaration of bombing over the water so fast that it threatens to uproot the hair from my head.
Message to wife, kids and others who might foolishly think I am a no-mark weakling: I am no longer a wannabe - I am James Bond. Next stop, blokarting.
BLOKARTING
Next day, it's a swift, short drive from my St Aubin hotel to St Ouen's Bay to meet Michael James of Pure Adventure, an outfit that aims to cater for as many extreme-sports enthusiasts as Jersey can take. Blokarts, he explains, are a New Zealand phenomenon; basically, they're wind-powered go-karts, slight but sturdy and designed with safety in mind.
Depending on how much you weigh and what the wind is doing, blokarting can be fun or frustrating. Thankfully, today it is the former.
Controlling my speed by pulling on the sail with a rope, I zip along St Ouen's beach fast enough to worry that my blokart is going to be dragged over by the wind (which happens twice). As soon as James pulls the blokart upright, however, it is once more into the beach - and flying along at more than 50km/h without a second thought.
Message to self: so this is what it feels like to have no fear. Next stop, abseiling.
ABSEILING
So this is what it feels like to be full of fear again. The James Bond feeling is wearing thin. I've driven to northwestern Jersey, past St Ouen's Bay and up towards Grosnez, where the sandy beaches are replaced by jagged cliffs.
The safety gear I'm kitted out in seems no more than a flimsy (and unerotic) suspender belt with metal hooks, loops and ropes, but my instructor, Mick Cullinane (Irish background, but born and bred in Jersey), assures me it will save my life should something unforeseen happen. That is so reassuring.
Anyway, here I am, on the edge of a cliff whose bottom I cannot see (although Cullinane assures me it is no more than a 35m drop). Cullinane has secured me. He knows I'm in good hands. I know I'm in good hands. But still I am riveted to the spot. I stumble; fall forwards. Cullinane has seen this kind of scaredy-cat nonsense before and is, therefore, unshaken. He tells me to trust him and the equipment, then advises me again to step off the cliff backwards, lean out at 45 degrees and slowly put one foot behind the other, all the while controlling my descent with a guide rope. When I get to the bottom I am in an all-enveloping sweat. I unbuckle the rope and light-headedly walk back up to the start point.
Message to self: I will never, ever do that again. Message to inner self: well, never say never.
FROM THRILLING . . .
For information on all aspects of adventure activities on Jersey, contact:
Michael James, Pure Jersey Ventures (00-44-1534-769165, www.activejersey.com)
Geoff Spencer-Tucker, Jersey Sea Sport Centre, (00-44-1534-745040, www.jerseyseasport.com)
Mick Cullinane, Rock & Roll Adventure Sports (00-44-1534-863835)
. . . TO CHILLING
St Aubin Pretty harbour village with some great restaurants and sea views.
Jersey Zoo Founded by Gerald Durrell; the headquarters of the Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust - more than 30 acres of water gardens and parkland.
Gorey Bustling harbour village that boasts the impressive Mont Orgueil Castle, one of the best-preserved in the British Isles.
St Helier The centre of Jersey; mini version of high-street shopping and places to eat. At low tide you can walk to Elizabeth Castle from St Helier harbour.
La Mare Vineyards: Wine-making Jersey style, and an international award winner. It also makes Jersey Apple Brandy and a range of delicious black-butter preserves.
HOW TO GET THERE
Aer Lingus flies to Jersey four times a week until the end of October. Visit www.aerlingus.com for details. There is also a flight from Cork each week with VLM Airways (chartered by Jersey specialists TQ3 J Barter Travel Solutions. Contact 1890-303303 or visit www.tq3.ie). Other specialists include Topflight (01-2401700, www.topflight.ie) and
PAB Tours (01-8733411 and 021-4271932, www.pabtours.com). If you want accommodation only, try booking online with Jerseylink at www.jersey.com, or contact 00-44-1534-500888. For a free Jersey holiday information pack, also visit www.jersey.com or call 00-44-1534-500800.