Sandra Bullock’s snog with Scarlett Johansson at the MTV awards smacked more of salvaging stardom than of Sapphic passion
LAST SUNDAY’S faux lesbian kiss between Sandra Bullock and Scarlett Johansson at the MTV Movie Awards was a rather cold affair. It happened when 45-year-old Bullock took the stage to accept the Generation Award, presented to her by 25-year-old Johansson. The two women embraced awkwardly; the kiss was over in a flash, and the screen didnt exactly blaze with Sapphic passion.
For many celebrities, an awards show is a chance to indulge in a harmless bit of mutual backslapping. For a small number, however, it’s a golden opportunity to pull off a publicity stunt. For Sandra Bullock, who has been rocked by a recent split with her philandering husband, Jesse James, the awards were the perfect platform to announce to the world that the Bullock brand was still alive and kicking – and what better way to grab the world’s attention than grab the nearest young, pouty actress and plant a smackeroonie right on her kisser?
Within a couple of days, Bullock was reportedly inundated with movie offers – and not all of them entitled "Lesbian Bondage Schoolmistresses from Outer Space". The New York Daily Newsclaimed what many suspected – that the snog was prearranged, and instigated by Bullock. It may have been Bullock's idea, but it was hardly an original one. Since Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera's bizarre love triangle at the 2003 MTV wwards we've had Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair, Sarah Silverman and Jessica Biel, Carmen Electra and Paris Hilton . . . enough with the lipstick lesbianism.
For fading celebrities, locking your dentures with a younger star’s braces isn’t the only route back to stardom.
And for lesser celebs who want to get bumped up to the C-list, there are plenty of options that don’t involve kissing Lindsay Lohan.
1. Start a celebrity feudPick a star, any star, then diss them in public. Rising not-fast-enough star Ke$ha has been using the scattergun approach, dissing everyone from Britney to Justin Bieber, in the hope that if she slings enough mud, some stardust will stick.
2. Have a celebrity romanceWhen two stars collide, the result is a supernova of media coverage. Russell Brand made the right move in the US by dating I Kissed A Girlsinger Katy Perry. Our own Damien Rice had less good fortune when he went out with Renee Zellweger. Don't make the mistake of tying the knot, as Peaches Geldof did when she married obscure rock musician Max Drumney, much to the annoyance of her more famous rock-star dad.
3. Invade the stageCan't get a gig? Why not interrupt another star's show? Jarvis Cocker briefly became the King of Britpop when he jumped onstage during the King of Pop's performance at the Brit Awards.
4. Get your dancing shoes onTom Cruise, who is by now a human publicity stunt, joined Jennifer Lopez onstage at Sunday's MTV awards for a dance routine that challenged even his sofa-jumping routine on Oprah for sheer weirdness.
5. Have a "wardrobe malfunction"Nothing catches the eye faster than an outrageous outfit, as Lady Gaga proves every time she goes out for a pint of milk. Ever since Liz Hurley turned up at the Four Weddingspremiere in the notorious safety-pin dress, the ladies have been daring to bare with all sorts of racy creations. Samantha Mumba went out in a see-through diamond number – but still couldn't revive her career. If you still can't get noticed, try "letting slip", as Janet Jackson did during her Superbowl show.
6. Turn on the tearsWhen all else fails, blubbering uncontrollably is always a good fallback. But blubbering is acceptable only when accepting the Oscar for Best Actress – bursting into tears when you lose will get you no sympathy.
