IT’S THE TRADITIONAL day when women are encouraged to seize the initiative and propose to their partners. But leap-year proposals aren’t the only way to do things differently. Today’s weddings are as much about spectacle and performance as they are about love and commitment, so even when it’s the man doing the asking, there’s an expectation that the proposal itself will be memorable. Shuffling awkwardly on to one knee after an M&S special will no longer cut it for most would-be brides: they want romance, effort and feats of imagination.
The latest fashion for high-octane marriage proposals is the flash mob: assembling a group of people to burst, seemingly spontaneously, into large-scale song-and-dance routines as a romantic precursor to the main event of the proposal itself. Last month, a British couple – Peter O’Donnell and Siobhan Byrne – became an internet sensation when O’Donnell arranged for a flash mob to serenade Siobhan on a night-time visit to Central Park in New York. As Byrne stood there looking bemused in her woolly hat and duffle coat, O’Donnell launched into a version of Bruno Mars’s hit
Marry You
with a large bunch of apparently random strangers.
Such highly visible and performative proposals carry a distinct risk of public humiliation, not to mention putting a great deal of pressure on the beloved to say yes. Fortunately, Byrne had no hesitation in agreeing. But anecdotal evidence suggests that some recipients of the flash-mob approach have felt coerced into saying yes at the time, only to subsequently renege on the engagement once the spotlight is off.
Rather than giving the highly-choreographed impression of spontaneity, perhaps it’s better to simply seize the perfect moment. In 2009, Kellie Turtle was in a band called the Lowly Knights, who had been given the unexpected opportunity to support Snow Patrol on a UK tour.
“It was all a bit mad – we were just a wee chaotic folk group doing ramshackle gigs, and then we got this amazing chance,” says Turtle. “Anyway, it was the last night of the tour, and moments before I ran off to the backstage area to get ready, I said my last excited cheerio to my boyfriend Stu. He responded by producing a ring and saying, ‘Good luck – and, by the way, will you marry me?’ It was the furthest thing from my mind just then, and I was completely floored. But it just made the whole experience instantly about a million times more memorable. The lead singer of our band then announced from the stage that I had just gotten engaged and I got a lovely cheer from the crowd. And my mum was in the audience so it was nice that she found out that way”.
Of course, elaborate proposals are not a contemporary phenomenon. Polish artist Joanna Karolini has never forgotten the romantic story of how her first boyfriend’s parents got engaged.
“They met in Paris: she was a Danish au pair and she spotted him, the tall and handsome Portuguese, from a lamppost she was climbing so as to see better during the strikers’ demonstration of May 1968. She found him somehow in the crowd, they fell in love, and within the year he proposed to her,” says Karolini. “She accepted on the condition that, for their honeymoon, they would travel to eight different countries in Europe, and that in each country they would have a marriage ceremony. So they did. When I asked her why, she replied: ‘He would think twice if he had to divorce me from eight countries.’”
Romantic, yes, but with an invigorating dose of pragmatism – and an unforgettably dramatic start to married life.
Stephen Hackett and Vittoria Cafolla
“PART OF ME felt a bit corny just coming out and asking Vittoria to marry me,” says editor and arts administrator Stephen Hackett, “so I decided to try to do it in a visual way.” Hackett’s scheme was to propose to Vittoria using a Scrabble board. “I planned it all methodically beforehand: I went and got the ring, then I bought the Scrabble, as well as some whiskey and champagne.”
It was the summer of 2010, and Hackett suggested to Vittoria that they should go for a picnic in the hills near their home, and bring the Scrabble with them.
“I was really nervous on the way, I’m not the fittest man, and I had to stop a few times on the way to catch my breath,” says Hackett.
“So we got there and had the game of Scrabble and a bit of whiskey as well. She maintained she won, I maintained I won. Afterwards, I was trying frantically to get all the letters I needed to spell out ‘will you marry me’, but trying to look casual at the same time. Unfortunately I didn’t have a question mark.
“At first she didn’t notice the words on the board at all. But then she did. I got down on one knee as well, just to be traditional. And she said yes straight away.”
“I didn’t notice because I was counting up the scores,” says Cafolla. “But I was impressed he managed to get all the right letters out. Afterwards, we left our names in Scrabble letters at the top of the hill. They’re probably still up there”.
Johnny Stewart and Claire Boyle
MOST PROPOSALS are over in an instant, but PR executive Johnny Stewart programmed a whole day of events leading up to his engagement to Claire Boyle (25). “I decided that I would arrange a city break at home in Belfast for Claire, and then end the day by asking her to marry me,” says Stewart (24). “We would start with a theatrical food tour, then go for a cycle tour, and kayaking along the river Lagan. And I made up a series of riddles which I texted to her phone so she could work out where to go next. As were walking back home by the river I decided that was the moment to pop the question. So I got down on one knee and asked her. She went very quiet for a moment. But then she just lunged for me, I didn’t even get a chance to put the ring on.”
Stewart says that the proposal was his time to shine. “As a man, once you propose, you hand over control of the plans to your fiancée: ultimately, it’s her big day. So this was my chance to put my own stamp on our wedding plans.”
Kenton Menown and Jenny Donaghey
WHEN PAINTER and photographer Kenton Menown won a competition to go backstage at a music festival in London in 2010, he knew it was the perfect moment to propose to his childhood sweetheart Jenny Donaghey. The London-based couple’s favourite group, the Deftones, an alternative metal band from California, were playing at the festival, and Menown planned to get down on one knee in front of the stage and ask Jenny to marry him. But first he had to buy the ring, so he travelled secretly home to Ireland to arrange it, taking Jenny’s mum with him to help him choose.
To keep the ring safe he stitched it into his pocket. “It was four days in there, I was always checking it,” says Menown. “Finally the moment came, the Deftones were on stage and I led Jenny up to the very front, right in front of the band. I got down on one knee. Everyone was cheering. Luckily she said yes.”
Jenny adds: “We’ve been together since we were 14 years old, but I had no idea he was going to propose then. Our mates had smuggled in a big bottle of champagne to help us celebrate afterwards, and they all signed it once it was empty. We still have the bottle. We’re planning to get married next year.”
