Going up
Ask for a taxi receiptBecause if you have lost your phone or left anything behind, you just might have a chance of getting them back
Cotton ScarvesCheap, cheerful, colourful. Skulls are over, though
Kenwood EcoToaster Clever, because you can turn off one side (about €44)
Good news for baldy blokesIf you started thinning on top before you were 30 your chances of prostate cancer are significantly reduced
Political babiesNow that SamCam is going to be pregnant during the British election, our lot, desperate as they are, must be realising the advantages of having a new baby on the way. Steady, lads . . .
Social life of the over-sixtiesGolf, poker, bridge, line dancing, exercise classes . . . they're busier a than their adult children
Going down
Spring grassIt's not here yet, the animals are hungry and feed is expensive
Green cross fraudsIf your pharmacy is closed, please turn off the light so we can avoid thinking you might be open on our frantic late-night search for a cough bottle
The body countPlants that have been murdered by the frost, now just flattened bodies in the garden (read Jane Powers, page 24)
Dogs on ProzacPlease. Just don't have a dog if you're going to leave it home alone
Kitten heelsSupposedly much more comfortable . . . but we don't think so
